Tuesday, November 30, 2004
case of the ex
Yes, I do realize this is too foolish to write about. Very childish too. But I need to do this. I need to get this out of my head and my mind, once and for all. I'm putting my ego aside, and I'm asking for advice and suggestions from all who reads this. I'm tired of being bounced, back and forth again. I'm not a yo-yo.
It is about the ex. The one who broke up with me more than a year ago. September 2003 was when it happened. For the full story on what happened, read my previous post. That's not the full story either. Just a basic one for u guys to understand what happened. No use going back down memory lane right? It's passed and gone anyways. No regrets. Anyways, again I need to highlight that HE was the one who broke it off. No reasons, no intros, nada. It happened as sudden as flash floods. Again, I DO NOT blame him for what happened. Shit happens, and I accept fate.
We're all matured adults right? No use being kids. Accept that it happened, accept that we'll be seeing each other still no matter where we run or hide. We live in the same state, have the same circle of friends. And yes, he IS the IDIOT (or fucker as modDs refer him as) mentioned all the while. We just didn't feel the need to highlight who he was or what he did. It IS the past, more than a year has gone by. Kenapalaa nak prolong like this?
I'm a person who never holds grudges. I don't have revenge in mind. I'm very simple, especially in matters concerning friends. I don't choose friends. I accept them all, in the colourful manner and ways they come in. In my 24 years of life, I have NEVER EVER fought with a friend. No arguments, no pulling-hairs-and-hitting-with-handbags-in-public kinda thing. That just wasn't me. Why fight? If there's something I don't agree with, I say it there and then. If u can't take it, fine, but I'm telling the truth. I don't talk behind ur back. And so far, thank God, all my friends have BRAINS so we never had to quarrel. They know from the start that I'm not the i-will-sugar-coat-what-comes-out-of-my-mouth-so-as-not-to-offend-u kinda person, so no one gets offended with me. Tak kuasa aku nak layan kalau korang merajuk pun kan.
And for the record, I can't stand people with switches. HE was one of them. He has this really complicated circuit in his body (sorry laa electrical terms are coming out) with many many complicated switches and all. He can be this person one minute, and a totally different one the next. Unfortunately, his regret, sorry, and kesedaran switch is located at a much much more isolated and remote place in his already complicated circuit. So much so, that he only realized what he had done a freakin 6 months after the whole deal. After I was way past it. And yeah, I was with modDs 3 months after the break-up, but I did not go searching for him, we just happened. And I believe we proved by now that HE IS NOT MY REBOUND.
After HE has realized what happened, perhaps someone knocked him too hard on the head or something, he started making our lives difficult. He can't take the fact that his friends loved us, we hang out at places he frequents, his family still loves me and all. The physical n emotional torture he put us through (actually, he only did it to me, but by messing with me u mess with my other half too right??) is too vulgar and too obscene to put in here. Things he did, could get him arrested for sure. Let us keep it to ourselves, but believe u me it is bad. Like I said, I am a very simple and peaceful person. But I do have principles. As long as I do not disturb u, u have no reason to disturb me. BUT IF U CROSS MY LINE, I WILL NOT KEEP QUIET. I am no statue or stone. Take note, I did not do anything to him after it was over. I tried my best to be a friend, but he wouldn't accept that. So fine, I backed away. He was the one who went through 4 failed relationships after me, and still, I never laughed out loud in front of his face. I was sympathetic about his luck. He must be cursed or something hahaha!
So what me n modDs did?? He disturbed us once, we kept quiet. He did it again, we ignored. He wasn't worth the trouble. He crossed again, we pretend not to notice. He does it yet again??? It's getting to us. And this time, he not only crossed our line, but he tested our patience, played with our feelings, and tried to break us down. It's the same as in the cerita P.Ramlee "ko pijak2 lenyek2 kepala bapak aku" type. It's like he was waiting to see how much more we could take, and will keep doing it till we burst. I couldn't stand it no longer, and neither could modDs. We're no saints. Our patience could only stretch so far. We thought of what to do. Just because he acted like a fool and messed with us like a small kid who lost his candy, we're not gonna go down as low as him and fight the same way. We must prove to have brains. So the act is still in plan, and we were in the process of executing it.
All of a sudden, totally unexpectedly, he came to us, and said "I'm so sorry". He shook our hands, and he hugged modDs. In the spirit of Raya. We were dumbfounded. Too shocked to say anything. Those 3 words were the only thing he said. NOW what were we to do? I do understand, everybody makes mistakes, and he deserves to be forgiven. But how about many many mistakes?? AFTER ALL HE'S DONE, he can get away just like that?? That easily???? That's just so HIM. He can do ANYTHING n EVERYTHING he wants, and expect all to be fine and dandy the moment the word 'sorry' stumbled out of his mouth. I am lost. And I am not making decisions for modDs. I'm leaving it up to him, if he wants to accept the apology. IF and only IF we do accept the apology, it will take some time. Ain't that easy to heal a wound if u kept rubbing salt into it all the while right? And yeah, I'LL NEVER FORGET. Maybe if we were to forgive, I would want him to REALIZE all that he's done, state to me one-by-one his mistakes, and say sorry for each one. At least I can see some sense has been knocked into him, right?? And I want to be rest assured no repitition will take place.
HE called me earlier, asking about phone matters (I gave him my prepaid number a while back when we were still together). I talked tanpa perasaan. Told him what he had to do about the phone, and that's it. He's behaving like as if nothing happened, and I still have no idea how to treat the whole thing. Can anyone help me please?? I'm totally confused.
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It is about the ex. The one who broke up with me more than a year ago. September 2003 was when it happened. For the full story on what happened, read my previous post. That's not the full story either. Just a basic one for u guys to understand what happened. No use going back down memory lane right? It's passed and gone anyways. No regrets. Anyways, again I need to highlight that HE was the one who broke it off. No reasons, no intros, nada. It happened as sudden as flash floods. Again, I DO NOT blame him for what happened. Shit happens, and I accept fate.
We're all matured adults right? No use being kids. Accept that it happened, accept that we'll be seeing each other still no matter where we run or hide. We live in the same state, have the same circle of friends. And yes, he IS the IDIOT (or fucker as modDs refer him as) mentioned all the while. We just didn't feel the need to highlight who he was or what he did. It IS the past, more than a year has gone by. Kenapalaa nak prolong like this?
I'm a person who never holds grudges. I don't have revenge in mind. I'm very simple, especially in matters concerning friends. I don't choose friends. I accept them all, in the colourful manner and ways they come in. In my 24 years of life, I have NEVER EVER fought with a friend. No arguments, no pulling-hairs-and-hitting-with-handbags-in-public kinda thing. That just wasn't me. Why fight? If there's something I don't agree with, I say it there and then. If u can't take it, fine, but I'm telling the truth. I don't talk behind ur back. And so far, thank God, all my friends have BRAINS so we never had to quarrel. They know from the start that I'm not the i-will-sugar-coat-what-comes-out-of-my-mouth-so-as-not-to-offend-u kinda person, so no one gets offended with me. Tak kuasa aku nak layan kalau korang merajuk pun kan.
And for the record, I can't stand people with switches. HE was one of them. He has this really complicated circuit in his body (sorry laa electrical terms are coming out) with many many complicated switches and all. He can be this person one minute, and a totally different one the next. Unfortunately, his regret, sorry, and kesedaran switch is located at a much much more isolated and remote place in his already complicated circuit. So much so, that he only realized what he had done a freakin 6 months after the whole deal. After I was way past it. And yeah, I was with modDs 3 months after the break-up, but I did not go searching for him, we just happened. And I believe we proved by now that HE IS NOT MY REBOUND.
After HE has realized what happened, perhaps someone knocked him too hard on the head or something, he started making our lives difficult. He can't take the fact that his friends loved us, we hang out at places he frequents, his family still loves me and all. The physical n emotional torture he put us through (actually, he only did it to me, but by messing with me u mess with my other half too right??) is too vulgar and too obscene to put in here. Things he did, could get him arrested for sure. Let us keep it to ourselves, but believe u me it is bad. Like I said, I am a very simple and peaceful person. But I do have principles. As long as I do not disturb u, u have no reason to disturb me. BUT IF U CROSS MY LINE, I WILL NOT KEEP QUIET. I am no statue or stone. Take note, I did not do anything to him after it was over. I tried my best to be a friend, but he wouldn't accept that. So fine, I backed away. He was the one who went through 4 failed relationships after me, and still, I never laughed out loud in front of his face. I was sympathetic about his luck. He must be cursed or something hahaha!
So what me n modDs did?? He disturbed us once, we kept quiet. He did it again, we ignored. He wasn't worth the trouble. He crossed again, we pretend not to notice. He does it yet again??? It's getting to us. And this time, he not only crossed our line, but he tested our patience, played with our feelings, and tried to break us down. It's the same as in the cerita P.Ramlee "ko pijak2 lenyek2 kepala bapak aku" type. It's like he was waiting to see how much more we could take, and will keep doing it till we burst. I couldn't stand it no longer, and neither could modDs. We're no saints. Our patience could only stretch so far. We thought of what to do. Just because he acted like a fool and messed with us like a small kid who lost his candy, we're not gonna go down as low as him and fight the same way. We must prove to have brains. So the act is still in plan, and we were in the process of executing it.
All of a sudden, totally unexpectedly, he came to us, and said "I'm so sorry". He shook our hands, and he hugged modDs. In the spirit of Raya. We were dumbfounded. Too shocked to say anything. Those 3 words were the only thing he said. NOW what were we to do? I do understand, everybody makes mistakes, and he deserves to be forgiven. But how about many many mistakes?? AFTER ALL HE'S DONE, he can get away just like that?? That easily???? That's just so HIM. He can do ANYTHING n EVERYTHING he wants, and expect all to be fine and dandy the moment the word 'sorry' stumbled out of his mouth. I am lost. And I am not making decisions for modDs. I'm leaving it up to him, if he wants to accept the apology. IF and only IF we do accept the apology, it will take some time. Ain't that easy to heal a wound if u kept rubbing salt into it all the while right? And yeah, I'LL NEVER FORGET. Maybe if we were to forgive, I would want him to REALIZE all that he's done, state to me one-by-one his mistakes, and say sorry for each one. At least I can see some sense has been knocked into him, right?? And I want to be rest assured no repitition will take place.
HE called me earlier, asking about phone matters (I gave him my prepaid number a while back when we were still together). I talked tanpa perasaan. Told him what he had to do about the phone, and that's it. He's behaving like as if nothing happened, and I still have no idea how to treat the whole thing. Can anyone help me please?? I'm totally confused.
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Saturday, November 27, 2004
uptown girl
Nothing much I wanna write today. Just to inform u guys, that Syafiq's getting better, and pray he will be out of the hospital soon. Ouh, last night Rini finally came back and I betcha Buge my hsemate, is now a happy happy man.
We finally had my birthday dinner celebration last night. At Uptown. Yeah, I know it's not so romantic (and so so delayed too), but I was the one who suggested it. He wanted to take me to a fancy restaurant, but I objected since he doesn't have that much money left. Why not go to Uptown? There's still western food there, at a much lesser cost, meaning we can both eat to our heart's content. No need to dress up too. After we almost cleaned up our plates of chicken chops n steaks, modDs lit his lighter, sang me the birthday song, and asked me to make a wish n blow it off. I closed my eyes and made a proper wish this time, with all my heart's might. I'm not telling what it was this time. U guys have to wait for next year to know if it came true ;)
Party tonight people!! Everyone going to Regenerate Cyberpark, see u all there!! Wooohoooo!!!!
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We finally had my birthday dinner celebration last night. At Uptown. Yeah, I know it's not so romantic (and so so delayed too), but I was the one who suggested it. He wanted to take me to a fancy restaurant, but I objected since he doesn't have that much money left. Why not go to Uptown? There's still western food there, at a much lesser cost, meaning we can both eat to our heart's content. No need to dress up too. After we almost cleaned up our plates of chicken chops n steaks, modDs lit his lighter, sang me the birthday song, and asked me to make a wish n blow it off. I closed my eyes and made a proper wish this time, with all my heart's might. I'm not telling what it was this time. U guys have to wait for next year to know if it came true ;)
Party tonight people!! Everyone going to Regenerate Cyberpark, see u all there!! Wooohoooo!!!!
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Friday, November 26, 2004
Prayers for Syafiq
I'm posting this for my little baby nephew Syafiq. He's a 7-month-old baby. My sister's second son. The first, Syahmi, had his fair share of illness as a baby as he was prematurely-born. Syafiq, had been a healthy bouncing baby all the while. But early in the fasting month, he was hit with high fever. He lost a lot of weight, and was hospitalized for a few days when his temperature rocketed. After it went down, he was allowed home, but his fever never really went away. He would be fine a minute, and shivering the next. He was so so pale. He lost his appetite too. When I came back for Raya, he was fine during the days but sick again come night. Poor darling, he really did lose his color, and he became lighter to carry. Imagine a small baby, not being able to talk or complain, being sick all day. All he could do was cry. I took care of him all I can, but somehow he lost the playfullness in him.
Yesterday, my sister smsed me to say that Syafiq's been hospitalized again. I called to get the details. This time, after my sister n bro-in-law went to numerous hospitals n clinics, making noise for them to thoroughly check him for diseases, they finally found out what was wrong. His liver has enlarged, and from a full blood test, they found that the poor baby has malaria. Poor poor Syafiq. We have all been vaccinated from it, but not for a baby yet. Malaria eats ur red blood cells, and his blood count has dropped from 9 to 6 (whatever scale measurement that is). So they're keeping him in the hospital till the virus has completely disappeared, and maybe he has to be given blood to return to his normal blood count. He must be very miserable now right... having to be kept quarantined in a weird hospital bed and all. Malaria is bad, yes, but we are ALL glad it wasn't anything uncurable or worse. I wanted to go back to JB to visit him, but my sister advised against it, as she said Syafiq will be fine, and I have no leaves anyways.
Damn those doctors who told his mom that he was fine all the while, just a 'little fever' they said. Doctors are asses sometimes, sorry if anyone terasa, but I find that fact true. They always say u're fine, till one day u drop or u get a whole lot worse n THEN they say u actually have this real bad disease when it could have been cured or prevented much earlier. Same goes when I had my appendicitis. I went to 4 separate doctors prior, n they all told me I was fine. The specialist I last went to panicked n forced me for operation there and then. Maybe I would have dropped n died all because of a small thing as I was said to be "fine".
Well, hope anyone reading this could spare a minute or two to pray for my dear little Syafiq. May he get well soon, and return to his chirpy happy cheerful self again soon.
Baby Syafiq having fun with, well, Baby. Hehehehe.
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Yesterday, my sister smsed me to say that Syafiq's been hospitalized again. I called to get the details. This time, after my sister n bro-in-law went to numerous hospitals n clinics, making noise for them to thoroughly check him for diseases, they finally found out what was wrong. His liver has enlarged, and from a full blood test, they found that the poor baby has malaria. Poor poor Syafiq. We have all been vaccinated from it, but not for a baby yet. Malaria eats ur red blood cells, and his blood count has dropped from 9 to 6 (whatever scale measurement that is). So they're keeping him in the hospital till the virus has completely disappeared, and maybe he has to be given blood to return to his normal blood count. He must be very miserable now right... having to be kept quarantined in a weird hospital bed and all. Malaria is bad, yes, but we are ALL glad it wasn't anything uncurable or worse. I wanted to go back to JB to visit him, but my sister advised against it, as she said Syafiq will be fine, and I have no leaves anyways.
Damn those doctors who told his mom that he was fine all the while, just a 'little fever' they said. Doctors are asses sometimes, sorry if anyone terasa, but I find that fact true. They always say u're fine, till one day u drop or u get a whole lot worse n THEN they say u actually have this real bad disease when it could have been cured or prevented much earlier. Same goes when I had my appendicitis. I went to 4 separate doctors prior, n they all told me I was fine. The specialist I last went to panicked n forced me for operation there and then. Maybe I would have dropped n died all because of a small thing as I was said to be "fine".
Well, hope anyone reading this could spare a minute or two to pray for my dear little Syafiq. May he get well soon, and return to his chirpy happy cheerful self again soon.
Baby Syafiq having fun with, well, Baby. Hehehehe.
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Thursday, November 25, 2004
5 days after
Before I get on with today's post (be warned, it's gonna be a long one), I would like to tell all of you a story. It happened a year ago, 20th November 2003. My friends held a birthday celebration for me, a day late as everyone was busy on the 19th. Come to think of it, they seem to love me more last year kan?? ehehehe Lisa bought a cake for me, we all met up at Coffee Bean Bangsar where Ijal was working. The celebration was ok, and I have a pic with me.
God, I looked like hell then. With my very long and messy hair, and my 'tak terurus' face. Well, I was still dealing with a heart-breaking break-up then. Well, anyways, we moved on to Hartamas Square after, and obviously modDs was there with his friends. That time, I thought he lived there. I called him up to get a slice of my bday cake. There were many of us at the table, and we talked n chatted as usual. Mind u, at that time, I've just gotten to know modDs exactly a week prior to that. After we all dah puas melepak, we got up to leave. I wanted to accompany my best friend for his dinner at Uncle Don opposite the road. So the 3 of us, plus modDs, walked there as modDs wanted to go to his car parked around that area. We say our goodbyes, he turned to leave, when suddenly he came back to me, pulled out a small nicely-wrapped box from his pocket, and said "happy birthday". Then he left. Me n my best friend stood there watching him leave, shocked, stunned n astonished at his spontaneity. Why would u give a present to someone u just got to know for a week?? Weird right? Anyway, this was what he got me.
He got me wondering for a long time after that. Did those wordings mean anything? Or did he choose that just coz it sounds nice? Ok, let's leave the story at that first. I'm going to continue with what happened yesterday.
After all that drama between me n modDs, it was actually partly Ninie's help that made us good again. He was still feeling bad, n ashamed to face me. I knew he needed a push, but I wasn't going to be the one to do it. Ninie n Shalli wanted to meet us for the first time yesterday, to belanja me a slice of Banana Choc cake for my bday. We planned the meet-up a day before. I told her I wasn't sure if modDs would come as he's still not ready to face me. So sweet sweet Ninie smsed modDs herself n begged him to come, to which he agreed. The meeting was supposed to take place at Secret Recipe Damansara Heights at 6.30. I got there on time, and the sight of modDs leaning against his car with the very very sad n sorrow face was enough to melt me to the Earth's core. I came out of the car and practically ran into his arms.. in public. Ahahahaha agak memalukan laa jugak. And as sudden as the problem came up, it disappeared into thin air.
Shalli n Ninie came later, as they couldn't find the place hahaha! We had a blast, talking n laughing n talking n laughing n of coz eating n drinking. Sweet Ninie got me a present and a card, and of course she paid for the cake. Hehehehe. She wrapped my present so nicely, in a pretty box with red paper... and the card was just so so sweet!!!!! I got a relaxation aromatherapy eye pillow (eh, betul ke ninie??) from her.. and I kept saying I loved the box it came in!! Sorry laa ninie kalau terasa, I'm a sucker for details ehehehe. Of course I loved the pillow too. Heck, I'd love any kind of presents! The meeting lasted into the night.. it was almost 9 when we finally left!! We took piccies OF COURSE.. but with ninie's cam laa.. I'm awaiting her to send me the piccies, but since she smsed me earlier that she balik kampung due to a family emergency n the car broke down AGAIN, it might take some time. To Ninie n Shalli, THANK YOU SO SO MUCH for the wonderful outing, the trouble n thought for the present n card, n also for helping things indirectly between me n modar. There'll surely be more meetings to come!!
Afterwards, we went home, me n modDs had some serious talks. We discussed stuff, the future, what happened, affects n effects, and u might say that we 'renewed' our love (chewah chewah) and decided to start with a new page, sealing the old ones for good. He was still feeling sorry, apologetic and he felt he hasn't justified what he did. I decided that he punished himself enough, n I will not do anything more other than declare we're ok now. He made a mistake, realized it, saw the consequences of his actions, learnt from it, will never repeat it again, so what more is there to do? I love the guy.. how can I see him sad so long?? So we're good now. We're more than good. We're AWESOME!!!
He left at 11 p.m... and I was just chatting with Buja n getting ready for bed when the doorbell rang. Buja n I looked at each other (siapa datang malam2 buta??), then I went to open the door. modDs stood there, and said he left something in the house. "What??" i asked. N he said, "this" and handed me a red package. Again, I was caught off-guard. I took the present from him, he said happy belated birthday, sorry it took so long, kissed me goodnight, and left. Any similarities anywhere people??? Yup, he was reminiscing the past, n re-created what happened last year. Giving me my present at the very last moment, before leaving me standing, smiling to myself. He gave me this peculiar-shaped box, wrapped again in red paper. (red is now my favourite colour haha!) The box was triangle, like Toblerone. A large one. I opened it and found a card inside, with a Pierre Cardin wallet (or girls like to say it's a purse) hidden under some paper confetti. In it, was a picture of us.... It was sooooo sweet!!!! I was tearing with 'terharu-ness' (what's with me n my tears of joy aaa skang ni?? so lembik...) reading the words in the card....... but all's good. He actually saw that my old wallet dah koyak2 here n there, and was smart enough to get me something I would ALWAYS use, last a long time, n keep with me always, just like how he is to me :D I LOVE HIM FOR THAT!!! THANKS BABY!!!!
So all in all, I got 3 presents yesterday. One from modDs, one from Ninie, and another I haven't mentioned was from my boss. I accompanied him to a phone shop yesterday, and I wanted to get myself a new phone housing n battery, and he paid for those, as my present. :D Best nyer!!! I was a happy girl yesterday, and I went to bed clutching my new wallet, the eye pillow relaxing my eyes, and me overhauled phone beside me.....
Ouh, and I just realized that I now have a pair of black leather boots, black leather wallet, black short skirt, n black shirt.... nak kena beli leather jacket n leather mini skirt to complete the look ni.. hmmmmmmmm
the first pic i have of me n modds with Lisa n Nabil.. bulan puasa november 2003.. few days after we first met.. we look so much different then don't we?? like we both had more flesh then ekekekeke
Happy Happy Happy Day!!!!
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God, I looked like hell then. With my very long and messy hair, and my 'tak terurus' face. Well, I was still dealing with a heart-breaking break-up then. Well, anyways, we moved on to Hartamas Square after, and obviously modDs was there with his friends. That time, I thought he lived there. I called him up to get a slice of my bday cake. There were many of us at the table, and we talked n chatted as usual. Mind u, at that time, I've just gotten to know modDs exactly a week prior to that. After we all dah puas melepak, we got up to leave. I wanted to accompany my best friend for his dinner at Uncle Don opposite the road. So the 3 of us, plus modDs, walked there as modDs wanted to go to his car parked around that area. We say our goodbyes, he turned to leave, when suddenly he came back to me, pulled out a small nicely-wrapped box from his pocket, and said "happy birthday". Then he left. Me n my best friend stood there watching him leave, shocked, stunned n astonished at his spontaneity. Why would u give a present to someone u just got to know for a week?? Weird right? Anyway, this was what he got me.
He got me wondering for a long time after that. Did those wordings mean anything? Or did he choose that just coz it sounds nice? Ok, let's leave the story at that first. I'm going to continue with what happened yesterday.
After all that drama between me n modDs, it was actually partly Ninie's help that made us good again. He was still feeling bad, n ashamed to face me. I knew he needed a push, but I wasn't going to be the one to do it. Ninie n Shalli wanted to meet us for the first time yesterday, to belanja me a slice of Banana Choc cake for my bday. We planned the meet-up a day before. I told her I wasn't sure if modDs would come as he's still not ready to face me. So sweet sweet Ninie smsed modDs herself n begged him to come, to which he agreed. The meeting was supposed to take place at Secret Recipe Damansara Heights at 6.30. I got there on time, and the sight of modDs leaning against his car with the very very sad n sorrow face was enough to melt me to the Earth's core. I came out of the car and practically ran into his arms.. in public. Ahahahaha agak memalukan laa jugak. And as sudden as the problem came up, it disappeared into thin air.
Shalli n Ninie came later, as they couldn't find the place hahaha! We had a blast, talking n laughing n talking n laughing n of coz eating n drinking. Sweet Ninie got me a present and a card, and of course she paid for the cake. Hehehehe. She wrapped my present so nicely, in a pretty box with red paper... and the card was just so so sweet!!!!! I got a relaxation aromatherapy eye pillow (eh, betul ke ninie??) from her.. and I kept saying I loved the box it came in!! Sorry laa ninie kalau terasa, I'm a sucker for details ehehehe. Of course I loved the pillow too. Heck, I'd love any kind of presents! The meeting lasted into the night.. it was almost 9 when we finally left!! We took piccies OF COURSE.. but with ninie's cam laa.. I'm awaiting her to send me the piccies, but since she smsed me earlier that she balik kampung due to a family emergency n the car broke down AGAIN, it might take some time. To Ninie n Shalli, THANK YOU SO SO MUCH for the wonderful outing, the trouble n thought for the present n card, n also for helping things indirectly between me n modar. There'll surely be more meetings to come!!
Afterwards, we went home, me n modDs had some serious talks. We discussed stuff, the future, what happened, affects n effects, and u might say that we 'renewed' our love (chewah chewah) and decided to start with a new page, sealing the old ones for good. He was still feeling sorry, apologetic and he felt he hasn't justified what he did. I decided that he punished himself enough, n I will not do anything more other than declare we're ok now. He made a mistake, realized it, saw the consequences of his actions, learnt from it, will never repeat it again, so what more is there to do? I love the guy.. how can I see him sad so long?? So we're good now. We're more than good. We're AWESOME!!!
He left at 11 p.m... and I was just chatting with Buja n getting ready for bed when the doorbell rang. Buja n I looked at each other (siapa datang malam2 buta??), then I went to open the door. modDs stood there, and said he left something in the house. "What??" i asked. N he said, "this" and handed me a red package. Again, I was caught off-guard. I took the present from him, he said happy belated birthday, sorry it took so long, kissed me goodnight, and left. Any similarities anywhere people??? Yup, he was reminiscing the past, n re-created what happened last year. Giving me my present at the very last moment, before leaving me standing, smiling to myself. He gave me this peculiar-shaped box, wrapped again in red paper. (red is now my favourite colour haha!) The box was triangle, like Toblerone. A large one. I opened it and found a card inside, with a Pierre Cardin wallet (or girls like to say it's a purse) hidden under some paper confetti. In it, was a picture of us.... It was sooooo sweet!!!! I was tearing with 'terharu-ness' (what's with me n my tears of joy aaa skang ni?? so lembik...) reading the words in the card....... but all's good. He actually saw that my old wallet dah koyak2 here n there, and was smart enough to get me something I would ALWAYS use, last a long time, n keep with me always, just like how he is to me :D I LOVE HIM FOR THAT!!! THANKS BABY!!!!
So all in all, I got 3 presents yesterday. One from modDs, one from Ninie, and another I haven't mentioned was from my boss. I accompanied him to a phone shop yesterday, and I wanted to get myself a new phone housing n battery, and he paid for those, as my present. :D Best nyer!!! I was a happy girl yesterday, and I went to bed clutching my new wallet, the eye pillow relaxing my eyes, and me overhauled phone beside me.....
Ouh, and I just realized that I now have a pair of black leather boots, black leather wallet, black short skirt, n black shirt.... nak kena beli leather jacket n leather mini skirt to complete the look ni.. hmmmmmmmm
the first pic i have of me n modds with Lisa n Nabil.. bulan puasa november 2003.. few days after we first met.. we look so much different then don't we?? like we both had more flesh then ekekekeke
Happy Happy Happy Day!!!!
|
Wednesday, November 24, 2004
Trust. Honesty. Truth.
I was fervent with love.
Elusive love.
But this fairy tale wasn't all that I believed it to be.
Humans are way too complicated for that.
Trust. Honesty. Truth.
The hardest qualities to hold.
Get one messed up, and the whole thing crumbles.
Doesn't have to be big. Or even important.
What I thought all the while to be our greatest strength, turned out to be our weakest link.
Truth hurts.
But does it hurt more than lies?
Deceit?
Betrayal?
How can it be regained? How does one re-earn it?
Was it due to my opressive behavior?
Was it my apathy?
The field of answers is yet to be reaped.
My frantic search leads me nowhere.
What did I do wrong?
My contribution must have triggered it.
My intuition played a part. I hate it now.
My biggest regret was how he tried to uphold his lies, right to the very end.
As if his life depended on it.
Even though I knew the truth right from the very beginning.
And suddenly, I'm not so sure anymore.
If he would do the same for mine. Should my life hang on the truth.
So what do we do now? These things.. either make u or break u.
Should we emerge victorious, we'll be stronger than ever before. IF.
In my part, giving up is not even an option.
I can't even smell the end, much less see it from where we are now.
It's going to be different, this path we're taking now.
I'm closing my eyes, and holding out my hand for him to guide and lead me to the turning point.
The only thing for me to do now is hold on.
And I will.
Tenaciously.
|
Elusive love.
But this fairy tale wasn't all that I believed it to be.
Humans are way too complicated for that.
Trust. Honesty. Truth.
The hardest qualities to hold.
Get one messed up, and the whole thing crumbles.
Doesn't have to be big. Or even important.
What I thought all the while to be our greatest strength, turned out to be our weakest link.
Truth hurts.
But does it hurt more than lies?
Deceit?
Betrayal?
How can it be regained? How does one re-earn it?
Was it due to my opressive behavior?
Was it my apathy?
The field of answers is yet to be reaped.
My frantic search leads me nowhere.
What did I do wrong?
My contribution must have triggered it.
My intuition played a part. I hate it now.
My biggest regret was how he tried to uphold his lies, right to the very end.
As if his life depended on it.
Even though I knew the truth right from the very beginning.
And suddenly, I'm not so sure anymore.
If he would do the same for mine. Should my life hang on the truth.
So what do we do now? These things.. either make u or break u.
Should we emerge victorious, we'll be stronger than ever before. IF.
In my part, giving up is not even an option.
I can't even smell the end, much less see it from where we are now.
It's going to be different, this path we're taking now.
I'm closing my eyes, and holding out my hand for him to guide and lead me to the turning point.
The only thing for me to do now is hold on.
And I will.
Tenaciously.
|
Tuesday, November 23, 2004
SMS
"Yesterday was a very busy day that i forgot my baby's B'th day...HAPPY BIRTHDAY...may ALLAH's blessing be with you"
Sender:
Abah
+60137xxxxxx
Sent:
20-Nov-2004
23:09:45
It came a day late.. if it came 51 minutes later, it would have been 2 days late.. but the sms came through anyway.. I was sitting in the car, and modDs have gone into the house to change his shirt, when my phone beeped with the message alert tone.. I was still holding the phone and reading the sms over n over again when modDs came back.. he was shocked at the sight of me as there were tears streaming down my face.. I just looked over at him and passed him the phone. After he read it, he immediately reached over to hold me tight in his arms. There was no need for words. He understood. He wiped away my tears, and the smile could not be wiped off my face the entire night.
"I was sad yesterday coz I knew u've forgotten my bday. But thanks for the wish now. It made my day. N that was the sweetest thing u have ever said/written to me. I love u Abah."
My machoistic, hard-headed, never-say-i-love-u, pretends-to-be-disgusted-whenever-he-has-to-kiss-me-goodbye Daddy, made it up to me in the most beautiful way he could ever have. To hear him saying that he loves me is hard enough, but he has finally admitted that I'm still his baby girl no matter how far away, how grown up I am. And I will always be. Well, it will be at least another year before I will get anything this sweet from him again. That sms will be residing in my phone till then.
On a separate note, the missing-u feeling I had for modDs hasn't entirely dissipated just yet. He's been back a few days now, but I sure hell haven't had enough of him. I doubt I ever will. And I am past the birthday thing. I've been thinking and I figured out that here I have a man who loves me and cares for me every single day of the year, so even if he doesn't get me a present or celebration for my bday, why should it matter? I wouldn't trade-off the rest of the wonderful days to have just a single great one..... And at least we're together again...
in my messy room with the ikea paste-on-the-wall mirrors.. lighting in the room's yellow making the pic look not so sihat ehehehe.. but it gives a sort of old-skool look to it don't u think??
|
Sender:
Abah
+60137xxxxxx
Sent:
20-Nov-2004
23:09:45
It came a day late.. if it came 51 minutes later, it would have been 2 days late.. but the sms came through anyway.. I was sitting in the car, and modDs have gone into the house to change his shirt, when my phone beeped with the message alert tone.. I was still holding the phone and reading the sms over n over again when modDs came back.. he was shocked at the sight of me as there were tears streaming down my face.. I just looked over at him and passed him the phone. After he read it, he immediately reached over to hold me tight in his arms. There was no need for words. He understood. He wiped away my tears, and the smile could not be wiped off my face the entire night.
"I was sad yesterday coz I knew u've forgotten my bday. But thanks for the wish now. It made my day. N that was the sweetest thing u have ever said/written to me. I love u Abah."
My machoistic, hard-headed, never-say-i-love-u, pretends-to-be-disgusted-whenever-he-has-to-kiss-me-goodbye Daddy, made it up to me in the most beautiful way he could ever have. To hear him saying that he loves me is hard enough, but he has finally admitted that I'm still his baby girl no matter how far away, how grown up I am. And I will always be. Well, it will be at least another year before I will get anything this sweet from him again. That sms will be residing in my phone till then.
On a separate note, the missing-u feeling I had for modDs hasn't entirely dissipated just yet. He's been back a few days now, but I sure hell haven't had enough of him. I doubt I ever will. And I am past the birthday thing. I've been thinking and I figured out that here I have a man who loves me and cares for me every single day of the year, so even if he doesn't get me a present or celebration for my bday, why should it matter? I wouldn't trade-off the rest of the wonderful days to have just a single great one..... And at least we're together again...
in my messy room with the ikea paste-on-the-wall mirrors.. lighting in the room's yellow making the pic look not so sihat ehehehe.. but it gives a sort of old-skool look to it don't u think??
|
Saturday, November 20, 2004
the day after yesterday
Yup. Yesterday was THAT bad. Even worse maybe. The only difference was that I got loads n tonnes of phone calls n smses to wish me. Sure I'm happy friends remembered. But that was it. No one bothered to do anything more. Not a single soul got out of their way to make my day special. Everyone asked about my plans of celebration, but how could I have any if no one planned it for me? No celebration, not even dinner, no presents. Nobody at work knew, not that it would be much different anyways. So I was home.. the whole night after work.. waiting.. n hoping for SOMETHING to happen... but... I hate to hope. It almost killed me last night.
And at the end of the day.. I went to bed.. a very sad person. There were tears at 12 midnight 19th November, n there were more midnight the day after. Yes, I DO cry. Hahaha. Only most times I'm way too egoistic to admit. My birthday wish didn't come true. Since it has passed, no harm telling what it was isn't it? I wished n wished n wished sooo bad that I would get to spend at least 5 minutes of this day with modDs.... well he did come back, last night.. but only long after 19th November has passed....
I did not expect my birthday to be spectacular or marvellous or someone would throw me a big happy expensive party.. I just wanted to be with my loved ones.. doesn't matter family, modDs or friends. I just thought this day would be somewhat at least DIFFERENT than any other day. I guessed wrong again. To top it all off, Abah forgot about my birthday. He still hasn't remembered up to now. I just know. :(
I should be looking at the bright side of this right? At least modDs's back.. and I'm happy.. and I already said yesterday, I don't point fingers. I'm just glad he's back.
Whatever it is, I am soooo glad 19th November 2004 has passed. It is now just history. A day I never want to be reminded of again. What's past is past. I'm burying it. So let's see... what can we do today???
|
And at the end of the day.. I went to bed.. a very sad person. There were tears at 12 midnight 19th November, n there were more midnight the day after. Yes, I DO cry. Hahaha. Only most times I'm way too egoistic to admit. My birthday wish didn't come true. Since it has passed, no harm telling what it was isn't it? I wished n wished n wished sooo bad that I would get to spend at least 5 minutes of this day with modDs.... well he did come back, last night.. but only long after 19th November has passed....
I did not expect my birthday to be spectacular or marvellous or someone would throw me a big happy expensive party.. I just wanted to be with my loved ones.. doesn't matter family, modDs or friends. I just thought this day would be somewhat at least DIFFERENT than any other day. I guessed wrong again. To top it all off, Abah forgot about my birthday. He still hasn't remembered up to now. I just know. :(
I should be looking at the bright side of this right? At least modDs's back.. and I'm happy.. and I already said yesterday, I don't point fingers. I'm just glad he's back.
Whatever it is, I am soooo glad 19th November 2004 has passed. It is now just history. A day I never want to be reminded of again. What's past is past. I'm burying it. So let's see... what can we do today???
|
Friday, November 19, 2004
bad day
this is just about, the worst day of the year for me. i have no idea how to make it better. i hate today. maybe i should just go home and sleep it off. alone.
apasal laaaaaa aku mengada2 sangat ni?? *go sulk on ur own yanz! dont bother others! dont spoil their day too!!* sorry peeps
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apasal laaaaaa aku mengada2 sangat ni?? *go sulk on ur own yanz! dont bother others! dont spoil their day too!!* sorry peeps
|
19th November
It's just a date. It's just a single day, out of 365 or sometimes 366 days we have in a year. Every single day that passes by, holds a unique number Julius Caesar named a date. What other specialty does it hold? NONE. Just like the other days that pass us by. Some days we never even get out of bed. They just zoomed past in a blink of an eye. Then it's all HISTORY. What a waste isn't it? How ignorant we all are.
I'm not down.. I'm not depressed. Not suicidal either. Just mellow. Melancholic might be the better word. Go look it up.
I've been alone. These past few days. Yeah well, most friends aren't around, but some are. Wasn't anyone's fault I was alone. I CHOSE to be alone. I don't point fingers. Life's all choices.
I did a lot of self-searching. I hate being alone. Not that I was afraid of the dark, I don't get suicidal alone either. It's just that my brain loves to turn when it's quiet, when no one's around to challenge its thoughts. I reflected on my 24 years of life.
My derivation of it all? Life's all CHANCE and CHOICE.
Chances, we can't control. But WE make the choices we make.
Chances, or opportunities, come knocking, sometimes more than once, often never more.
Homo sapiens we are, even with perfect-vision sight, may not see it coming. Sometimes, we CHOOSE not to.
But even when we notice it knocking, even screaming our names out loud, the inevitable might be that we can't do much about it. It's all about timing too. Self. Selfishness, and selflessness. I realized, that some choices I made, was for others. Not for me.
The CHANCE came to go to a science school in Form 1. I CHOSE not to go, for Amy.
The CHANCE came again, for MRSM in Form 4. I CHOSE not to go, for my family.
The CHANCE to study elsewhere was there. I CHOSE to go to UTM. For reasons... as above.
After all that said and done, I came to KL. Not by chance, but by CHOICE. I chose to be here. Alone. I CHOSE to make a living for myself. I CHOSE to live a hard life. I CHOSE to be away from my family, after years of making choices not to be. Yeah it's weird I know. Well I have my reasons. To state here would take the whole day. Just take my word for it.
As part of my soul-searching, and past reassessment and evaluation, I'm now contemplating on the WHAT-IFS in life. In MY life. What would have happened if I were to take any of those chances? Where will I be? What will I be doing??
Regrets?? Everyone has them I believe. But if anyone were to ask me of what I would change in my past, I can't say I am able to answer that in a flash. I would have to dwell on that one. For a few years.
If not for those choices I made back when I did, I wouldn't be me, here, now. I wouldn't be how I am today, with these people reading my blog, leading my not-entirely-fulfilled-but-not-much-to-complain-about life.
Will we ever ever know if the choices we made are right or wrong? Is there even such a thing as right or wrong choices n decisions?? Choices we make now, may seem right, but it is what moulds the rest of the roads we now lead, a never ending road, with junctions at every single kilometer. If we decide a day, that we made a wrong turning, will we ever be able to return to our original path?? The one we took years ago?? Trace back thousands of turnings???
It's what leads us to the saying, some things can never ever be undone. How will you ever go back to the original starting point, without losing your way, and getting lost even deeper in that treacherous pandemonium of our lives?? These thoughts, are truly asphyxiating to me. It suffocates me to the max. How scary our world is, and each and every one of us has a different one. We each live in our own galaxy. Millions of minds, millions of thoughts, millions of choices.
What we do now, changes the course for tomorrow.
Who we are now, may not be the same next year.
Where we go from here, will we ever ever know?
Scary.
So maybe what they say is true. Live in the present. Remember the past. Keep the memories. Never turn back. Make your choice and stick to it. Anticipate the future. Live each day as it comes. But we need to plan now don't we? We can't expect tomorrow to be ready for us?? We need to be prepared for whatever tomorrow may bring.
Life will always be filled with challenges. It's best to admit this to yourself and be brave enough to look it in the eye.
So, treasure every moment that you have. And treasure it more because you shared it with someone special, special enough to spend your time... and remember that time waits for no one...
The truth is, there's no better time to be happy than right now.
If not now........when?
Now if only I can convince myself that.
Another saying I love,
Live like there's no tomorrow,
Work like you don't need money,
Love like you've never been hurt,
And dance like no one's watching.
But the one that I believe in the most, the one that I live by.....
"MY PAIN IS SELF-CHOSEN" - Mad Season.
River of Deceit
My pain is self-chosen
At least, so the prophet says
I could either burn
Or cut off my pride, and buy some time
A head full of lies is the weight, tied to my waist
My pain is self-chosen
At least I believe it to be
I could either drown
Or pull off my skin and swim to shore
Now I can grow a beautiful shell for all to see
The River of Deceit pulls down, yeah
The only direction we flow is down
Down, oh down
The pain is self-chosen, yeah
Our pain is self-chosen
Down, oh down
Ouh, the unpredictability of a Scorpio.
All because of our own choices.
And at the end of it all, I wonder... in the span of this 24 years of my life...
How many lives have I touched?
How many people have I made happy? How many I've made sad?
How many will remember me when I'm no longer around?
|
I'm not down.. I'm not depressed. Not suicidal either. Just mellow. Melancholic might be the better word. Go look it up.
I've been alone. These past few days. Yeah well, most friends aren't around, but some are. Wasn't anyone's fault I was alone. I CHOSE to be alone. I don't point fingers. Life's all choices.
I did a lot of self-searching. I hate being alone. Not that I was afraid of the dark, I don't get suicidal alone either. It's just that my brain loves to turn when it's quiet, when no one's around to challenge its thoughts. I reflected on my 24 years of life.
My derivation of it all? Life's all CHANCE and CHOICE.
Chances, we can't control. But WE make the choices we make.
Chances, or opportunities, come knocking, sometimes more than once, often never more.
Homo sapiens we are, even with perfect-vision sight, may not see it coming. Sometimes, we CHOOSE not to.
But even when we notice it knocking, even screaming our names out loud, the inevitable might be that we can't do much about it. It's all about timing too. Self. Selfishness, and selflessness. I realized, that some choices I made, was for others. Not for me.
The CHANCE came to go to a science school in Form 1. I CHOSE not to go, for Amy.
The CHANCE came again, for MRSM in Form 4. I CHOSE not to go, for my family.
The CHANCE to study elsewhere was there. I CHOSE to go to UTM. For reasons... as above.
After all that said and done, I came to KL. Not by chance, but by CHOICE. I chose to be here. Alone. I CHOSE to make a living for myself. I CHOSE to live a hard life. I CHOSE to be away from my family, after years of making choices not to be. Yeah it's weird I know. Well I have my reasons. To state here would take the whole day. Just take my word for it.
As part of my soul-searching, and past reassessment and evaluation, I'm now contemplating on the WHAT-IFS in life. In MY life. What would have happened if I were to take any of those chances? Where will I be? What will I be doing??
Regrets?? Everyone has them I believe. But if anyone were to ask me of what I would change in my past, I can't say I am able to answer that in a flash. I would have to dwell on that one. For a few years.
If not for those choices I made back when I did, I wouldn't be me, here, now. I wouldn't be how I am today, with these people reading my blog, leading my not-entirely-fulfilled-but-not-much-to-complain-about life.
Will we ever ever know if the choices we made are right or wrong? Is there even such a thing as right or wrong choices n decisions?? Choices we make now, may seem right, but it is what moulds the rest of the roads we now lead, a never ending road, with junctions at every single kilometer. If we decide a day, that we made a wrong turning, will we ever be able to return to our original path?? The one we took years ago?? Trace back thousands of turnings???
It's what leads us to the saying, some things can never ever be undone. How will you ever go back to the original starting point, without losing your way, and getting lost even deeper in that treacherous pandemonium of our lives?? These thoughts, are truly asphyxiating to me. It suffocates me to the max. How scary our world is, and each and every one of us has a different one. We each live in our own galaxy. Millions of minds, millions of thoughts, millions of choices.
What we do now, changes the course for tomorrow.
Who we are now, may not be the same next year.
Where we go from here, will we ever ever know?
Scary.
So maybe what they say is true. Live in the present. Remember the past. Keep the memories. Never turn back. Make your choice and stick to it. Anticipate the future. Live each day as it comes. But we need to plan now don't we? We can't expect tomorrow to be ready for us?? We need to be prepared for whatever tomorrow may bring.
Life will always be filled with challenges. It's best to admit this to yourself and be brave enough to look it in the eye.
So, treasure every moment that you have. And treasure it more because you shared it with someone special, special enough to spend your time... and remember that time waits for no one...
The truth is, there's no better time to be happy than right now.
If not now........when?
Now if only I can convince myself that.
Another saying I love,
Live like there's no tomorrow,
Work like you don't need money,
Love like you've never been hurt,
And dance like no one's watching.
But the one that I believe in the most, the one that I live by.....
"MY PAIN IS SELF-CHOSEN" - Mad Season.
River of Deceit
My pain is self-chosen
At least, so the prophet says
I could either burn
Or cut off my pride, and buy some time
A head full of lies is the weight, tied to my waist
My pain is self-chosen
At least I believe it to be
I could either drown
Or pull off my skin and swim to shore
Now I can grow a beautiful shell for all to see
The River of Deceit pulls down, yeah
The only direction we flow is down
Down, oh down
The pain is self-chosen, yeah
Our pain is self-chosen
Down, oh down
Ouh, the unpredictability of a Scorpio.
All because of our own choices.
And at the end of it all, I wonder... in the span of this 24 years of my life...
How many lives have I touched?
How many people have I made happy? How many I've made sad?
How many will remember me when I'm no longer around?
|
Wednesday, November 17, 2004
the aftermath of raya
Goooooddddd morning peeps!!! Ahaahahahah!! yup yup I'm back in office. *demmit. double triple demmit*. Saja pretending to be happy. I'm back from JB last night... how was Raya??? Let's do the whole recap thing again....
Friday: The drive home was ok.. many cars on the road but not jammed... Reached JB about 4++... early kan?? I didn't stop along the way.. hate stopping when I'm driving alone.. oh! except I had to take a leak.. so I stopped for about 5 mins. Reached Dad's, changed, went straight out again, to HP to borong DVDs!!! ahahahahaha!! Went out alone, spent a whooping almost 500(!!!) bucks there on DVDs.. well, ramai orang kirim laa... then I went and bought myself a skirt!! (edri!!! i got the skirt yang like i told u i nak tu!!! for 30 bucks!!) Hehehehehe. Yeah. Instead of beli baju kurung for raya, I bought myself a skirt. It's cheap!!! Raya pakai baju2 tahun lepas2 jek... still muat what!!! N I just realized that HP is swarming with kedai2 ala2 japanese fashion style since aku ni skang konon2 nak dress japanese-influenced laa ni.. although mostly quite 'feng-tau'. I don't care much about brands, so... janji lawa n tak nampak murah, aku blasah. Went home to makan, to Sis's a while to see Mak n the ever-so-adorable-n-notty boys. Home again, tolong abah buat ketupat kejap (yes, I CAN anyam ketupat) then at 10 Naquib fetched me to go lepak at SS.. with Bachin, Adiq, Mynn, Naquib's kazen with the same name, Adzim, n a few more peeps. Ramai jugak kawan2 aku kat JB. Adzim was utterly amazed at the sight of me, coz we had tuition together back in Form 3, n i used to ride the motorbike to tuition ahahahaha! Ex-rempit laa katakan.. Yup, he hasn't seen me since. Took quite a while for him to close his gaping mouth. Kinda funny to see Bachin n Adiq there, budak2 koleq melepak di JB ahahahaha. I went home at almost 1, as I was too knocked-out to lepak any longer. Ouh, modDs was still in Cherating Friday. The family decided to lepak there another night.
Saturday: Woke up late in the afternoon, hahaha. Daddy was already cooking in the kitchen, n he didn't need any help, the house was soooo hot during the day, so I took my adiks to my uncle's house a while. Haven't seen my fav uncle since he went for the operation. Then to Larkin to buy some stuff, bought songkok for modDs ehehehe.. sent the small kids home, then me n Amy went to Angsana, and I got the henna thing done on my hands. Got flower2 prints ehehehehe so girly! After bukak puasa, went to Fifi's place, chilled with her sisters n mom.. helped them clean up their house a bit.. then we went out for drinks at mamak, then to Danga Bay. Sooooo meriah laa there!! It was after 12 when we got there, and the place was still swarming with people!! There were bazaars all along, and at the Thai bazaar, I couldnt resist getting myself a pair of cool cool ultra-cool army-prints capri pants!!! It was ultra cheap too!!!! just 20 bucks!! (sorry b... really couldnt resist!!) I have been looking for that pants for soooo long!! Never found the perfect one... now I have em!!! Went home about 1 to zzzzzzzzzzzzz.... modDs called me later in the night as usual.. he's having a good time melepak with peeps over there too... I MISS HIM!!!!!
Sunday: Raya!! Got up early in the morning, warmed the engine.. went driving around to sneak a smoke ehehehe... bathed, waited for Abah to habis semayang raya... had breakfast... modDs called then to wish hari raya, wish I was there with him :( ... Kakak sampai at about 10... we got ready, then me, Kakak n hubby n kids, Amy left for s'pore in my car while Abah balik his kampung as usual... our routine the past few years... the drive to s'pore was hell!!!! It was scorching hot, the roads were jammed up to the max, the kids were making noise as it was hot.. I was swearing in my baju kebaya because of everything.... I got so pissed I had to take a smoke to release tension.. though I hated to smoke in front of the kids... Got to my aunt's at almost 3!! Imagine that!! Kalau drive balik KL lama dah sampai.... Salam2 with Mak, grandma, all uncles n aunts.. answered inevitable questions, bla bla. I never could understand old people. They ask u the same questions every year, n they never seem to remember the answers. Like, "eh eh.. dah besar dah!!! tinggi nye!!! dah lawa eh sekarang!!! belajar kat mana?? oooo dah abis ye?? keje kat mana?? brapa lama kat sana?? bila nak KAWEN?????" Whats the point of asking questions u don't hear the answers to?? But, still have to respect them. Smiled here and there, then I took a nap for about an hour. Sooooo tired after the drive!! Later that night, went back to JB, plus mom in the car. Still jammed, but it was better as it's not hot at night. Reached home about 11, went straight to bed... sooo tiring!!
Monday: Abah woke us up at 7++, got ready, warmed the car as always n for my morning smoke hehehe... Off to Kluang... I'm driving again.. Balik JB jadi driver lak.. I'm sick of being in the car as it is (sorry WHH.. no offense to u!! Muahhh!). Saw uncles, aunties, cousins, anak2 buah, bla2... drove back, stopped at Kulai for another visit, back in JB to my uncle's house again this time to bring Mom... Balik, mandi, off to Naquib's open house pulak.. lepakked with Just, Nabil, Bachin, Nasha, Adiq.... Kena kutuk sebab Tuesday nak balik KL dah... diorang semua tak keje till next week.. Celaka nyer Adiq!!! Left at 11 with Just, had some talks in the car, lama dah tak jumpa Just.. cerita2 pasal life, stuff, modDs, made me miss him more... ciss!! Went home at 12.. tak larat nak lepak lagi dah....
Tuesday: Woke up at 10... ate, chilled a while, to Kakak's to get some stuff, then to HP with Amy.. she bought me a sling bag for my bday, and some accessories too.. Thanks Amy!!! Mentang2 dapat duit raya.. cisss!! Balik... makan lagi.. lepak jap.. then Mak dah bising2 sebab dah petang.. risau dia kat anak dara dia nak drive sorang2 balik KL.... I procrastinated as I was in NO MOOD to drive back, n no one's in KL anyways.... finally I peeled myself off the sofa, n left at 6.. said goodbyes n got kisses... The roads were quite congested.. ramai gak rupanya yang keje today.. so couldn't go fast.. and it got jammed all the way from Senawang to KL... the drive took about 5 hours!! Thank god for the cd player and my big big book of cds... Reached DP at 11+... dumped everything on the floor, washed up, and went to bed.. didn't get to speak to modDs last night.. as he msged to check if I was already asleep.. and I was!! Wish he had called though... I would wake up at the phone ringing... he just didn't want to wake me from sleep... I MISS HIM LAA!!! aarrrgghhhhhhh!!!!! It's been 6 days since I last saw him!!!
And here I am again today.. back in office.. with ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do... no point kan?? Baik melepak kat JB... tak puas siot lepak with friends over there!!! KL is still mighty empty today.. the roads are soooo clear.. the drive to work that would usually take up to an hour, I made it in 20 mins today....
So there's all the story of Raya... it was just very tiring.... coz I had to rush here n there n everywhere to do everything n please everyone... Raya's nothing much as I said.. none of the family-family thing.. just a time to see relatives......
Ok ok... that was a mighty long entry. It's lunchtime now.. I have no idea where to lunch, what to eat.. maybe I would just go for a drive.... Wish I could post some piccies.. but have to wait for my sis to send me some from her good 'ol manual camera hahaha!! Chiows peeps!!!
p/s: anyone in KB, if u see modDs, can u pls tell him to come back a bit sooner??? i'm missing him to my wit's end here aaaarrrgghhhhhh!!! *manja n mengada mode*
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Friday: The drive home was ok.. many cars on the road but not jammed... Reached JB about 4++... early kan?? I didn't stop along the way.. hate stopping when I'm driving alone.. oh! except I had to take a leak.. so I stopped for about 5 mins. Reached Dad's, changed, went straight out again, to HP to borong DVDs!!! ahahahahaha!! Went out alone, spent a whooping almost 500(!!!) bucks there on DVDs.. well, ramai orang kirim laa... then I went and bought myself a skirt!! (edri!!! i got the skirt yang like i told u i nak tu!!! for 30 bucks!!) Hehehehehe. Yeah. Instead of beli baju kurung for raya, I bought myself a skirt. It's cheap!!! Raya pakai baju2 tahun lepas2 jek... still muat what!!! N I just realized that HP is swarming with kedai2 ala2 japanese fashion style since aku ni skang konon2 nak dress japanese-influenced laa ni.. although mostly quite 'feng-tau'. I don't care much about brands, so... janji lawa n tak nampak murah, aku blasah. Went home to makan, to Sis's a while to see Mak n the ever-so-adorable-n-notty boys. Home again, tolong abah buat ketupat kejap (yes, I CAN anyam ketupat) then at 10 Naquib fetched me to go lepak at SS.. with Bachin, Adiq, Mynn, Naquib's kazen with the same name, Adzim, n a few more peeps. Ramai jugak kawan2 aku kat JB. Adzim was utterly amazed at the sight of me, coz we had tuition together back in Form 3, n i used to ride the motorbike to tuition ahahahaha! Ex-rempit laa katakan.. Yup, he hasn't seen me since. Took quite a while for him to close his gaping mouth. Kinda funny to see Bachin n Adiq there, budak2 koleq melepak di JB ahahahaha. I went home at almost 1, as I was too knocked-out to lepak any longer. Ouh, modDs was still in Cherating Friday. The family decided to lepak there another night.
Saturday: Woke up late in the afternoon, hahaha. Daddy was already cooking in the kitchen, n he didn't need any help, the house was soooo hot during the day, so I took my adiks to my uncle's house a while. Haven't seen my fav uncle since he went for the operation. Then to Larkin to buy some stuff, bought songkok for modDs ehehehe.. sent the small kids home, then me n Amy went to Angsana, and I got the henna thing done on my hands. Got flower2 prints ehehehehe so girly! After bukak puasa, went to Fifi's place, chilled with her sisters n mom.. helped them clean up their house a bit.. then we went out for drinks at mamak, then to Danga Bay. Sooooo meriah laa there!! It was after 12 when we got there, and the place was still swarming with people!! There were bazaars all along, and at the Thai bazaar, I couldnt resist getting myself a pair of cool cool ultra-cool army-prints capri pants!!! It was ultra cheap too!!!! just 20 bucks!! (sorry b... really couldnt resist!!) I have been looking for that pants for soooo long!! Never found the perfect one... now I have em!!! Went home about 1 to zzzzzzzzzzzzz.... modDs called me later in the night as usual.. he's having a good time melepak with peeps over there too... I MISS HIM!!!!!
Sunday: Raya!! Got up early in the morning, warmed the engine.. went driving around to sneak a smoke ehehehe... bathed, waited for Abah to habis semayang raya... had breakfast... modDs called then to wish hari raya, wish I was there with him :( ... Kakak sampai at about 10... we got ready, then me, Kakak n hubby n kids, Amy left for s'pore in my car while Abah balik his kampung as usual... our routine the past few years... the drive to s'pore was hell!!!! It was scorching hot, the roads were jammed up to the max, the kids were making noise as it was hot.. I was swearing in my baju kebaya because of everything.... I got so pissed I had to take a smoke to release tension.. though I hated to smoke in front of the kids... Got to my aunt's at almost 3!! Imagine that!! Kalau drive balik KL lama dah sampai.... Salam2 with Mak, grandma, all uncles n aunts.. answered inevitable questions, bla bla. I never could understand old people. They ask u the same questions every year, n they never seem to remember the answers. Like, "eh eh.. dah besar dah!!! tinggi nye!!! dah lawa eh sekarang!!! belajar kat mana?? oooo dah abis ye?? keje kat mana?? brapa lama kat sana?? bila nak KAWEN?????" Whats the point of asking questions u don't hear the answers to?? But, still have to respect them. Smiled here and there, then I took a nap for about an hour. Sooooo tired after the drive!! Later that night, went back to JB, plus mom in the car. Still jammed, but it was better as it's not hot at night. Reached home about 11, went straight to bed... sooo tiring!!
Monday: Abah woke us up at 7++, got ready, warmed the car as always n for my morning smoke hehehe... Off to Kluang... I'm driving again.. Balik JB jadi driver lak.. I'm sick of being in the car as it is (sorry WHH.. no offense to u!! Muahhh!). Saw uncles, aunties, cousins, anak2 buah, bla2... drove back, stopped at Kulai for another visit, back in JB to my uncle's house again this time to bring Mom... Balik, mandi, off to Naquib's open house pulak.. lepakked with Just, Nabil, Bachin, Nasha, Adiq.... Kena kutuk sebab Tuesday nak balik KL dah... diorang semua tak keje till next week.. Celaka nyer Adiq!!! Left at 11 with Just, had some talks in the car, lama dah tak jumpa Just.. cerita2 pasal life, stuff, modDs, made me miss him more... ciss!! Went home at 12.. tak larat nak lepak lagi dah....
Tuesday: Woke up at 10... ate, chilled a while, to Kakak's to get some stuff, then to HP with Amy.. she bought me a sling bag for my bday, and some accessories too.. Thanks Amy!!! Mentang2 dapat duit raya.. cisss!! Balik... makan lagi.. lepak jap.. then Mak dah bising2 sebab dah petang.. risau dia kat anak dara dia nak drive sorang2 balik KL.... I procrastinated as I was in NO MOOD to drive back, n no one's in KL anyways.... finally I peeled myself off the sofa, n left at 6.. said goodbyes n got kisses... The roads were quite congested.. ramai gak rupanya yang keje today.. so couldn't go fast.. and it got jammed all the way from Senawang to KL... the drive took about 5 hours!! Thank god for the cd player and my big big book of cds... Reached DP at 11+... dumped everything on the floor, washed up, and went to bed.. didn't get to speak to modDs last night.. as he msged to check if I was already asleep.. and I was!! Wish he had called though... I would wake up at the phone ringing... he just didn't want to wake me from sleep... I MISS HIM LAA!!! aarrrgghhhhhhh!!!!! It's been 6 days since I last saw him!!!
And here I am again today.. back in office.. with ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do... no point kan?? Baik melepak kat JB... tak puas siot lepak with friends over there!!! KL is still mighty empty today.. the roads are soooo clear.. the drive to work that would usually take up to an hour, I made it in 20 mins today....
So there's all the story of Raya... it was just very tiring.... coz I had to rush here n there n everywhere to do everything n please everyone... Raya's nothing much as I said.. none of the family-family thing.. just a time to see relatives......
Ok ok... that was a mighty long entry. It's lunchtime now.. I have no idea where to lunch, what to eat.. maybe I would just go for a drive.... Wish I could post some piccies.. but have to wait for my sis to send me some from her good 'ol manual camera hahaha!! Chiows peeps!!!
p/s: anyone in KB, if u see modDs, can u pls tell him to come back a bit sooner??? i'm missing him to my wit's end here aaaarrrgghhhhhh!!! *manja n mengada mode*
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Friday, November 12, 2004
selamat hari raya
well, im off to jb soon. very very soon. got the green light from the boss to leave early ahahahahaha. after i told him abah dah call tanya bila balik.. risaukan anak pompuan dia sorang nih ahahahahahaha.. *mengada*
well, am i happy or am i sad?? i dunno.. don't think much about raya though.. ain't much fun no more.. the fun ended somewhere when i was still in school... only those who really know me would understand... i dont really like raya.... ahahahaha... tapi nak tanak kene laa jugak balik kan.. jumpa mak bapak... but i believe i am getting old.. coz my only thoughts are, i wanna meet up all those relatives yg memang dah sedia setahun sekali baru jumpa.. wanna see my grandma, grandaunts n granduncles, aunties, uncles, cousins, just to see how they are.. lama tak jumpa... gila dah cam org tua kan??? duit raya this year.. limited to immediate family only... extended ones.. sorry laa tak cukup budget.. gotta save for an event this january *wink wink*
i sure hell was sad yesterday.. i went to modD's house, to see them off... mummy gave me a nice basket full of kuih raya ehehehe... n i helped the kids pack their bags.... soooo funny seeing a family of 10 ranging from age 5 to 50 trying to get ready to balik kampung for a week... their stuff itself is a lorry's load i think!!! but sooo meriah..... hmmm can't wait to be a part of that *wink*.... but i was sad as hell modDs will be away from me for a week... (i'm soooo stuck laa kan??) we're hardly ever apart... maybe for a few days ada laa.... but a week???? the last time we were apart this long was last year's raya... but we were not a couple yet that time... just in the early stages of phone calls n countless smses ehehehehe *butterflies teringat zaman muda2*... dah laa i haven't been back alone to JB for the past 9 months... 9 months!!! imagine that!!! he was with me EVERY TIME i go back since february....
tapi takpe... as modDs say... "this year will be the last year we celebrate raya apart... next year boleh raya sama2 dah ok?? jangan sedih ok??" *wink wink wink lagi*
ok peeps i'm off!! with this i leave u with some piccies i took in jb while driving (terror tak?).. will be seeing that view again later today... the journey from home to the jb town.... al-malang sekali, this time balik takde camera.. (ye laa kan selama ni camera pinjam saja....) so we'll see how raya is in kelantan when he gets back ok??? i'll be back tuesday.. will be in office wednesday... while modDs will be back thursday or friday....
last note: SELAMAT HARI RAYA ALL... MAAF ZAHIR BATIN.. MAAFKAN SEGALA KESILAPAN EITHER VIRTUAL OR REALITY.. HALALKAN MAKAN MINOM... HALALKAN KALAU ADA POW ROKOK ekekekeke.. MAAFKAN KALAU ADA TER- APA2... SAMADA TIDAK SENGAJA ATAU DISENGAJAKAN EHEHEHEHEHE...... other than that.. happy hols peeps!!!! bye2!!! *wave semangat2*
p/s: i failed to mention that modDs got himself a new haircut for raya.. ultra mighty short hair... the shortest i've ever seen on him.. but it's sooo cute n made him look like a school-boy eehehehehe. i took a pic of him yesterday n made him print it out, A4 size for me to 'tatap' during the hols.
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well, am i happy or am i sad?? i dunno.. don't think much about raya though.. ain't much fun no more.. the fun ended somewhere when i was still in school... only those who really know me would understand... i dont really like raya.... ahahahaha... tapi nak tanak kene laa jugak balik kan.. jumpa mak bapak... but i believe i am getting old.. coz my only thoughts are, i wanna meet up all those relatives yg memang dah sedia setahun sekali baru jumpa.. wanna see my grandma, grandaunts n granduncles, aunties, uncles, cousins, just to see how they are.. lama tak jumpa... gila dah cam org tua kan??? duit raya this year.. limited to immediate family only... extended ones.. sorry laa tak cukup budget.. gotta save for an event this january *wink wink*
i sure hell was sad yesterday.. i went to modD's house, to see them off... mummy gave me a nice basket full of kuih raya ehehehe... n i helped the kids pack their bags.... soooo funny seeing a family of 10 ranging from age 5 to 50 trying to get ready to balik kampung for a week... their stuff itself is a lorry's load i think!!! but sooo meriah..... hmmm can't wait to be a part of that *wink*.... but i was sad as hell modDs will be away from me for a week... (i'm soooo stuck laa kan??) we're hardly ever apart... maybe for a few days ada laa.... but a week???? the last time we were apart this long was last year's raya... but we were not a couple yet that time... just in the early stages of phone calls n countless smses ehehehehe *butterflies teringat zaman muda2*... dah laa i haven't been back alone to JB for the past 9 months... 9 months!!! imagine that!!! he was with me EVERY TIME i go back since february....
tapi takpe... as modDs say... "this year will be the last year we celebrate raya apart... next year boleh raya sama2 dah ok?? jangan sedih ok??" *wink wink wink lagi*
ok peeps i'm off!! with this i leave u with some piccies i took in jb while driving (terror tak?).. will be seeing that view again later today... the journey from home to the jb town.... al-malang sekali, this time balik takde camera.. (ye laa kan selama ni camera pinjam saja....) so we'll see how raya is in kelantan when he gets back ok??? i'll be back tuesday.. will be in office wednesday... while modDs will be back thursday or friday....
last note: SELAMAT HARI RAYA ALL... MAAF ZAHIR BATIN.. MAAFKAN SEGALA KESILAPAN EITHER VIRTUAL OR REALITY.. HALALKAN MAKAN MINOM... HALALKAN KALAU ADA POW ROKOK ekekekeke.. MAAFKAN KALAU ADA TER- APA2... SAMADA TIDAK SENGAJA ATAU DISENGAJAKAN EHEHEHEHEHE...... other than that.. happy hols peeps!!!! bye2!!! *wave semangat2*
p/s: i failed to mention that modDs got himself a new haircut for raya.. ultra mighty short hair... the shortest i've ever seen on him.. but it's sooo cute n made him look like a school-boy eehehehehe. i took a pic of him yesterday n made him print it out, A4 size for me to 'tatap' during the hols.
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Wednesday, November 10, 2004
rain rain go away
KL sekarang tiap2 ari ujan... tiap2 balik keje basah.. basah on the way nak ke kereta aje laa..... sooo gloomy nowadays....
bersyukur laaaa kereta ku ada bumbung.....
I'm not saying Selamat Hari Raya yet.. I'm working Friday... *demmit*
See u Friday peeps!!!
p/s: esok cuti... modDs balik esok... I'll be alone for A WEEK!!! huwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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bersyukur laaaa kereta ku ada bumbung.....
I'm not saying Selamat Hari Raya yet.. I'm working Friday... *demmit*
See u Friday peeps!!!
p/s: esok cuti... modDs balik esok... I'll be alone for A WEEK!!! huwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Tuesday, November 09, 2004
dear diary
Let's do something 'poyo' here ahahaha.. I need a recap of what I did since Friday..
Friday, 5th Nov : Abah's b'day today... the day went by, boring as usual.. work was boring anyways. modDs wanted to bukak puasa at my hse at DP coz we never had the chance to, so I planned to buy food at PaRam Shah Alam n bring it home then he'll come later. Left the office at 5.15, on the way to the stadium, it started raining cats n dogs. Waited at the car park a while, but rain didn't show signs of stopping. Went into NKVE to balik, but the roads n the highway was a nightmare!! Jam started at Shah Alam itself, all the way along NKVE. Called modDs to cancel as I'll be late. Breaking fast time, I just passed Subang exit. Jammed like mad. Petrol at a critical level, so I stopped at Shell. The petrol station itself was a mess. Cars n people were everywhere. Cancelled plans to get food or drink. Called modDs again, he bukak puasa at his hse. Got into a fight coz I was in a bad bad mood due to hunger, fatigue, the road, the cars, the rain, everything (Sorry baby!!). Didn't turn in Damansara as the jam looks very bad to exit. Exited at Kota Damansara, but halfway home had to turn back as the roads were closed due to floods (demmit). Turned in Tropicana, but it was a standstill there too. Floods as well. Last choice, went back again, into NKVE again, through the jam again, exited at Damansara (it was 8 by now), through the jam, through Uptown, finally reached home after 8.30 p.m. Almost crying by now. modDs came, comforted me, everything was well again. Love u baby!! Stayed home the whole night. Too tired to go out.
Saturday, 6th Nov : Work halfday, uneventful. After, went to Damansara Heights to fetch modDs, to KTJ at Nilai (or is it Seremban?) to fetch 'lil bro Aidil. 4+ got into another misunderstanding (mengada betul aku ni time2 nak period), went home, slept it off. Got up after 7, went to the fridge to get a drink, got ready, then went out. No idea where to go. modDs called, asking me nicely to "please come here b??" at Hartamas. Still sore from evening (mengada x1000), decided to go sulk at OU. Bought some essentials hehehehe not gonna say what they are here. A pair of boots got into my eyes, wanted to swipe, but decided against it. Takut modDs marah, need to get his approval first. 9+, dah lembut n rindu, went to Hartamas. Was soooo happy to see modDs. Lepakked there with his friends till 11+. He had to leave early to fetch Papa. We planned to go out the whole day Sunday, so went back early to sleep.
Sunday, 7th Nov : Woke up at 10+ (wow.. achievement gila babi for a weekend), called modDs and he picked up after the 3rd time (not too bad, another achievement), bathed, got ready, and left the house at 11. Fetched modDs, off to The Mall to send the DVD player to the shop. Digital output sound problem. Parked the car there, took the LRT to Jalan TAR, jalan2 a while, bought baju melayu for Aidil, n butang baju for both of them (handsome nyer boys ni nanti raya). Next, got on Putra, to Citibank, modDs bayar hutang hehehe. Got back on Putra, interchanged at Masjid Jamek, back to The Mall, drove to TTDI, to salon to cut n colour my hair. Poor baby had to wait for me for 2 and a half hours. He was sooo patient n didn't complain. Muah!! Went to Damansara Heights, waited for modDs to change, went back to DP, he waited for me to change, off to Cyberview Lodge with Bachin n Buja in Bachin's new 206. I dressed up nicely, saje jek since dah rambut lawa baru blow kan, pakai perempuan2 ayu gitu.. all black.. Reached quite late, ngam2 buka time. Had a private room with the koleq boys. Laughed, talked, ate, smoked, till 10++. (red flag came somewhere around this time.. pandai lak dia tunggu after buka. well, that's all the puasa-ing for this year. made it full till now. congratulasi yanz!!) Went back to DP, lepakked a while, sent modDs back at 11. Went home, borak with Buja n Shikin till 1. Went to bed very tired but happy got to spend the day with modDs.
Monday, 8th Nov : Hit with Monday blues, almost late to work, but made it a minute before 8.30. Sat through meetings bored as usual, went out lunchtime to get some buns n painkillers (tak puasa laa kan), petang rushed to PaRam to get food for modDs as he wanted to buka puasa at my hse.. made it just in time, tapi basah sikit kena hujan, went home, jalan tak jam sangat lagi, so made it in good time. After buka puasa, went to OU, got the boots I wanted coz modDs approved n loved them too!! Jalan2 sikit... then home we went.
Thursday, 9th Nov : Got reaaaalllyyy bored at work, training for 2 hours, surfed net and chatted rest of the day, now raining heavily!!! Worse than Friday!!!! Is it gonna be jammed up again??? NOOOOO!!!!!! Gotta go now!!!!
my new hair hehehehehe. got it trimmed n layered a bit, coloured, dark brown with a bit of mahogany (don't trust the red, it was the yellow lighting), changed the parting to the side, n got a bit of fringe first time ever!! in my very the perempuan low cut with the kelawar-like lengan blouse(still no make-up). note: the hair will only stay nice for 3 days. Baru blow laa kan masa tu. we'll see in a few days time
For the rest of Sunday's pics, go here
p/s: for the record, i don't really like that pic. i look so gedik n mengada2 like pompuan 'birah' mana tah... yuck!
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Friday, 5th Nov : Abah's b'day today... the day went by, boring as usual.. work was boring anyways. modDs wanted to bukak puasa at my hse at DP coz we never had the chance to, so I planned to buy food at PaRam Shah Alam n bring it home then he'll come later. Left the office at 5.15, on the way to the stadium, it started raining cats n dogs. Waited at the car park a while, but rain didn't show signs of stopping. Went into NKVE to balik, but the roads n the highway was a nightmare!! Jam started at Shah Alam itself, all the way along NKVE. Called modDs to cancel as I'll be late. Breaking fast time, I just passed Subang exit. Jammed like mad. Petrol at a critical level, so I stopped at Shell. The petrol station itself was a mess. Cars n people were everywhere. Cancelled plans to get food or drink. Called modDs again, he bukak puasa at his hse. Got into a fight coz I was in a bad bad mood due to hunger, fatigue, the road, the cars, the rain, everything (Sorry baby!!). Didn't turn in Damansara as the jam looks very bad to exit. Exited at Kota Damansara, but halfway home had to turn back as the roads were closed due to floods (demmit). Turned in Tropicana, but it was a standstill there too. Floods as well. Last choice, went back again, into NKVE again, through the jam again, exited at Damansara (it was 8 by now), through the jam, through Uptown, finally reached home after 8.30 p.m. Almost crying by now. modDs came, comforted me, everything was well again. Love u baby!! Stayed home the whole night. Too tired to go out.
Saturday, 6th Nov : Work halfday, uneventful. After, went to Damansara Heights to fetch modDs, to KTJ at Nilai (or is it Seremban?) to fetch 'lil bro Aidil. 4+ got into another misunderstanding (mengada betul aku ni time2 nak period), went home, slept it off. Got up after 7, went to the fridge to get a drink, got ready, then went out. No idea where to go. modDs called, asking me nicely to "please come here b??" at Hartamas. Still sore from evening (mengada x1000), decided to go sulk at OU. Bought some essentials hehehehe not gonna say what they are here. A pair of boots got into my eyes, wanted to swipe, but decided against it. Takut modDs marah, need to get his approval first. 9+, dah lembut n rindu, went to Hartamas. Was soooo happy to see modDs. Lepakked there with his friends till 11+. He had to leave early to fetch Papa. We planned to go out the whole day Sunday, so went back early to sleep.
Sunday, 7th Nov : Woke up at 10+ (wow.. achievement gila babi for a weekend), called modDs and he picked up after the 3rd time (not too bad, another achievement), bathed, got ready, and left the house at 11. Fetched modDs, off to The Mall to send the DVD player to the shop. Digital output sound problem. Parked the car there, took the LRT to Jalan TAR, jalan2 a while, bought baju melayu for Aidil, n butang baju for both of them (handsome nyer boys ni nanti raya). Next, got on Putra, to Citibank, modDs bayar hutang hehehe. Got back on Putra, interchanged at Masjid Jamek, back to The Mall, drove to TTDI, to salon to cut n colour my hair. Poor baby had to wait for me for 2 and a half hours. He was sooo patient n didn't complain. Muah!! Went to Damansara Heights, waited for modDs to change, went back to DP, he waited for me to change, off to Cyberview Lodge with Bachin n Buja in Bachin's new 206. I dressed up nicely, saje jek since dah rambut lawa baru blow kan, pakai perempuan2 ayu gitu.. all black.. Reached quite late, ngam2 buka time. Had a private room with the koleq boys. Laughed, talked, ate, smoked, till 10++. (red flag came somewhere around this time.. pandai lak dia tunggu after buka. well, that's all the puasa-ing for this year. made it full till now. congratulasi yanz!!) Went back to DP, lepakked a while, sent modDs back at 11. Went home, borak with Buja n Shikin till 1. Went to bed very tired but happy got to spend the day with modDs.
Monday, 8th Nov : Hit with Monday blues, almost late to work, but made it a minute before 8.30. Sat through meetings bored as usual, went out lunchtime to get some buns n painkillers (tak puasa laa kan), petang rushed to PaRam to get food for modDs as he wanted to buka puasa at my hse.. made it just in time, tapi basah sikit kena hujan, went home, jalan tak jam sangat lagi, so made it in good time. After buka puasa, went to OU, got the boots I wanted coz modDs approved n loved them too!! Jalan2 sikit... then home we went.
Thursday, 9th Nov : Got reaaaalllyyy bored at work, training for 2 hours, surfed net and chatted rest of the day, now raining heavily!!! Worse than Friday!!!! Is it gonna be jammed up again??? NOOOOO!!!!!! Gotta go now!!!!
my new hair hehehehehe. got it trimmed n layered a bit, coloured, dark brown with a bit of mahogany (don't trust the red, it was the yellow lighting), changed the parting to the side, n got a bit of fringe first time ever!! in my very the perempuan low cut with the kelawar-like lengan blouse(still no make-up). note: the hair will only stay nice for 3 days. Baru blow laa kan masa tu. we'll see in a few days time
For the rest of Sunday's pics, go here
p/s: for the record, i don't really like that pic. i look so gedik n mengada2 like pompuan 'birah' mana tah... yuck!
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Monday, November 08, 2004
mari tenangkan fikiran
here are some pics i took when i was back in jb.. at 7 a.m., i was up and about. these are taken in the house compound.. just some practice focus shots.. close-up shots.. apa tah modar kata, macro shots kot.. i dunno the technical word ehehehehe... i changed the focus on the pics, just playing around with the focusing..
i dont really like flowers, but it's really soothing to look at. nice colours too. enjoy!
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i dont really like flowers, but it's really soothing to look at. nice colours too. enjoy!
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Friday, November 05, 2004
Abah
Today is Abah's birthday. I sent him an sms earlier, to wish him a very happy birthday. *sigh*. Those pics above, are some of the pics I have of him(yeah i know it's an ugly piece. i don't have photoshop laa! Have to make do with some other software to cut n paste). Mostly recent pics. Yeah kan.. recently I'm becoming sort of a paparazzi.. taking candid pics hehehe. All the while I was growing up, he was mainly the man behind the camera. Hardly have any pics of him. The few I have, are so precious I usually got them framed or up against the wall. Dah tu tak kuasa laa kan nak cabut for scanning purposes. Had a couple from my childhood days too.. reminded me of how like anak cina I was back then...
I've always been daddy's girl. All my relatives call me Anak Abah. Mana2 pegi melekat ngan abah. Tido pun bawah ketiak abah. hehehe Well, maybe last time laa. But it's a known fact, that I was his favourite. *manja*. What to do, sadly I can't connect to Mak. So, Abah laa jadik mangsa. I grew up with him. Immitating him. Wanting to be him. He's my hero. Will always be. Abah, is the type of guy who never says "i love u". He never shows his feelings. Never shows his soft side. He stopped kissing me when I was 12. Stopped holding my hand. After I went away n he calls, I'd always ask him, "abah rindu adik eh... sebab tu abah call?? " to which he'd just laugh n laugh. My last birthday, he sent me an sms. "hope it's not too late to wish u a very happy birthday. take good care of yourself. lots of love from ur dad." That, made my YEAR. First time ever hearing him telling me that he loves me. Though indirectly and I didn't actually hear it laa kan. Still, u have no idea what it means to me. Nowadays, whenever I'm in JB and leaving for KL, I MAKE him kiss me on the cheeks. Hahaha! Not so much as wanting the kiss, just making him show his affection.. and so that I'll always have the memories.. *hopeless sentimental fool*
It's his 55th birthday today.. (betul2 anak abah, bday pun exactly 2 weeks after abah *hint hint* same star-sign, same behavior) pencen daaahhh abah.. Hard to even imagine he's that old!! He's definitely young at heart, not a single white hair on his head.. but then again he doesn't have much hair ahahaha. Hard to imagine him not working.. being the man that he is, can't sit still, hates being at home. So u see u really can't blame yours truly for always being up and about. I got that from him!! He called me on his last day at work last week, and I asked him if he was sad to leave the job that he has been at the past 33 years!!! Camne org dulu2 leh keje tempat sama sampai puluh2 tahun aa? Aku ni baru brapa bulan dah bosan.... He pretends he doesn't care, not bothered to be sad or take piccies or anything.. but I know he'd be... he used to love telling stories at work to me...
Well, to Abah, Happy 55th Birthday!!! Hope now u can enjoy ur leisure time with ur kids n ur grandsons(though I bet u would get urself another job soon enough).. and always be free to cook for me when I balik ehehehehe. You're the best cook!! And you're truly the best Abah in the whole wide world.. whatever qualities u lack in certain areas, u make up for it in ur own way... I LOVE YOU!!!
My dialogue with abah during the last visit 2 weekends ago
Abah : Tu apasal tu??
Me : Apa yg apasal?
Abah : Dahi tu kilat semacam, kenapa?
Me : *looking at him quizzically* What kind of question are u asking me? Dah ni laa dia dahi abah! Abah yang bagi adik dahi ni lagi nak tanya!
Abah : *touching his forehead* Ohh ye sama eh??
Yes, I have Abah's wide-as-an-airport, shiny-as-a-polished-shoe, makes-pretend-empty-drums-sound (modDs loves banging his fingers against them and makes the konon2 'boing' sound) forehead and I'm PROUD of 'em!!!
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Thursday, November 04, 2004
cream of my coffee
Here's a rousing cheer for our Convent dear on fair Johor Bahru
May we be faithful to every rule to each tradition true
Through weal or woe we forward go
United great and small
In virtue simple and duty strong
Is the motto for us all
In virtue simple and duty strong
Is the motto for us all
Though far we roam from our ancient homes our thoughts will often stray
Back to these happy Convent days where our hearts are warm and gay
We love each dear familiar room
And gaze with rightful pride
At our lofty building on the hill
Where Malaysian sunshine smiles
At our lofty building on the hill
Where Malaysian sunshine smiles
May the good lord bless our Sultan kind
Who in peace preserves our town
He throned our lady's image there
Where she sweetly gazes down
God keep us loyal to our friends
Our teachers and our rules
May we bless the day when we found our way
To our own dear Convent school
May we bless the day when we found our way
To our own dear Convent school
WOW!! To get that typed out, took me about an hour. Lupa lak lagu skolah. Konon semangat skolah ehehehe.. well... it HAS been 7 years since I left school, so can't blame me laa kan? I wanted to post the piccies I took the other day, yes, after some time, uploaded the pics at last.. after I ganti balik the card reader that I rosakkan eheheheheh.. *butterfingers* when I went around JB and went to the school semata2 to get some piccies. I couldn't get in.. the guards are strict now.. So these pics I took from the front and the back of the school. Nostalgic moments huh Fixa, Ween??? And most of other Convent JB gals will appreciate this too I think.. bukan ramai orang gila yang nak pi tepi jalan amek2 gambar skolah.. jalan tu dah laa busy eheheheh.
Cream of my coffee why?? That's what our headmistress calls us, students of 5 Science 1. "Girrrrllllssss, u r the cream of my coffee giirrrlllssss... the hope of the school.... don't make so much noise giirrrlllsssss... don't drag your feet ggiiirrrlllsssss" God knows why she loves to emphasize on the word 'girls'. Yeah.. I went to an all-girls school. Yup, just normal daily school. Maybe not as much fun as boarding school, but we had different kinds of fun. Can't compare now can we?? I loved my schooling days, and I bet lotsa other people will agree. Like we don't have prep, no dining hall, lights-off, but we got tonnes of fun in and out of school. And we have camps ehehehe. Mine mostly are out of class laa. We had fun ponteng kelas, lepak atas padang.. sports... *sigh* those were the days.. And the friends we make there, are friends for life. Like Weween, has been my friend since we were 8.. darjah 2 Nilam hehehe.. that makes us friends for freakin' 16 years kan??? And we're still good till now. Just yesterday, me, Weween, Lisa, modD n Zul went for bukak puasa together. Maybe that was what inspired this post. We talked and talked and laughed as we recalled our memories.. since we were 8 till we were 17.. (i masuk convent darjah 2.. jadi takde ingatan darjah 1 hehehe).. modDs n Zul just looked at each other n shook their heads.. I listened to him n his friends' Koleq stories with interest, and I'd like to believe he listens to mine with the same enthusiasm hehehe.
Our stories mostly went like "Ko ingat tak xxxxx dulu rambut dia banyak kutu??? xxxxx yang gemuk pastu busuk tuu??? cikgu xxxxxx selalu suruh aku diri atas meja!!" And the fav one that made the guys sit straight, when we were in standard 2 (till 4) if we forget to bring our t-shirts n shorts for PJ, we'll have to run around the field in our blouses and panties.. BLOUSE KENA TUCK-IN OK?? Nasib baik masa tu lom akil baligh... Then came stories about who's who doing what now, who's married, who's changed (yours truly would be in this category)... bla bla bla...
I think I should stop the stories here. I have the tendency to write blardey long entries kan?? So here are the pics.... some of 'em.
The front.. with the welcoming Mary.. we always have our class pics taken there.. downstairs is the primary school, but upstairs belongs to the sisters and secondary school.
The secondary school side.. not much can be seen.. coz the building streches to the back.. but 5 Sc1 was on the extreme top left hehehe. Panjang sekolah ni sebenarnya
From the back, dari atas bukit.. the secondary building.. and some of our padang.. The second floor holds Form 3 classes.. my class used to be on the extreme right.. and the top floor holds the library...
The rest of the padang, and our old old volleyball court.. the spot I'm taking the pic from, is the place where flashers used to come and try to scare our girls with their 'thingys' hehehe
The middle of the padang.. secondary school on the right atas bukit, primary school on the left, kat bawah..
There were some girls there, the place we call "bio lab" though it's actually the corridor... always the meet-up place...
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May we be faithful to every rule to each tradition true
Through weal or woe we forward go
United great and small
In virtue simple and duty strong
Is the motto for us all
In virtue simple and duty strong
Is the motto for us all
Though far we roam from our ancient homes our thoughts will often stray
Back to these happy Convent days where our hearts are warm and gay
We love each dear familiar room
And gaze with rightful pride
At our lofty building on the hill
Where Malaysian sunshine smiles
At our lofty building on the hill
Where Malaysian sunshine smiles
May the good lord bless our Sultan kind
Who in peace preserves our town
He throned our lady's image there
Where she sweetly gazes down
God keep us loyal to our friends
Our teachers and our rules
May we bless the day when we found our way
To our own dear Convent school
May we bless the day when we found our way
To our own dear Convent school
WOW!! To get that typed out, took me about an hour. Lupa lak lagu skolah. Konon semangat skolah ehehehe.. well... it HAS been 7 years since I left school, so can't blame me laa kan? I wanted to post the piccies I took the other day, yes, after some time, uploaded the pics at last.. after I ganti balik the card reader that I rosakkan eheheheheh.. *butterfingers* when I went around JB and went to the school semata2 to get some piccies. I couldn't get in.. the guards are strict now.. So these pics I took from the front and the back of the school. Nostalgic moments huh Fixa, Ween??? And most of other Convent JB gals will appreciate this too I think.. bukan ramai orang gila yang nak pi tepi jalan amek2 gambar skolah.. jalan tu dah laa busy eheheheh.
Cream of my coffee why?? That's what our headmistress calls us, students of 5 Science 1. "Girrrrllllssss, u r the cream of my coffee giirrrlllssss... the hope of the school.... don't make so much noise giirrrlllsssss... don't drag your feet ggiiirrrlllsssss" God knows why she loves to emphasize on the word 'girls'. Yeah.. I went to an all-girls school. Yup, just normal daily school. Maybe not as much fun as boarding school, but we had different kinds of fun. Can't compare now can we?? I loved my schooling days, and I bet lotsa other people will agree. Like we don't have prep, no dining hall, lights-off, but we got tonnes of fun in and out of school. And we have camps ehehehe. Mine mostly are out of class laa. We had fun ponteng kelas, lepak atas padang.. sports... *sigh* those were the days.. And the friends we make there, are friends for life. Like Weween, has been my friend since we were 8.. darjah 2 Nilam hehehe.. that makes us friends for freakin' 16 years kan??? And we're still good till now. Just yesterday, me, Weween, Lisa, modD n Zul went for bukak puasa together. Maybe that was what inspired this post. We talked and talked and laughed as we recalled our memories.. since we were 8 till we were 17.. (i masuk convent darjah 2.. jadi takde ingatan darjah 1 hehehe).. modDs n Zul just looked at each other n shook their heads.. I listened to him n his friends' Koleq stories with interest, and I'd like to believe he listens to mine with the same enthusiasm hehehe.
Our stories mostly went like "Ko ingat tak xxxxx dulu rambut dia banyak kutu??? xxxxx yang gemuk pastu busuk tuu??? cikgu xxxxxx selalu suruh aku diri atas meja!!" And the fav one that made the guys sit straight, when we were in standard 2 (till 4) if we forget to bring our t-shirts n shorts for PJ, we'll have to run around the field in our blouses and panties.. BLOUSE KENA TUCK-IN OK?? Nasib baik masa tu lom akil baligh... Then came stories about who's who doing what now, who's married, who's changed (yours truly would be in this category)... bla bla bla...
I think I should stop the stories here. I have the tendency to write blardey long entries kan?? So here are the pics.... some of 'em.
The front.. with the welcoming Mary.. we always have our class pics taken there.. downstairs is the primary school, but upstairs belongs to the sisters and secondary school.
The secondary school side.. not much can be seen.. coz the building streches to the back.. but 5 Sc1 was on the extreme top left hehehe. Panjang sekolah ni sebenarnya
From the back, dari atas bukit.. the secondary building.. and some of our padang.. The second floor holds Form 3 classes.. my class used to be on the extreme right.. and the top floor holds the library...
The rest of the padang, and our old old volleyball court.. the spot I'm taking the pic from, is the place where flashers used to come and try to scare our girls with their 'thingys' hehehe
The middle of the padang.. secondary school on the right atas bukit, primary school on the left, kat bawah..
There were some girls there, the place we call "bio lab" though it's actually the corridor... always the meet-up place...
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Wednesday, November 03, 2004
trivia
i got this in an email.. i love receiving this kinda mails... wanted to share it with u guys
Many years ago in a small Indian village, a farmer had the misfortune of owing a large sum of money to a village moneylender. The moneylender, who was old and ugly, fancied the farmer's beautiful daughter. So he proposed a bargain. He said he would forgo the farmer's debt if he could marry his daughter. Both the farmer and his daughter were horrified by the proposal. So the cunning money-lender suggested that they let providence decide the matter.
He told them that he would put a black pebble and a white pebble into an empty money bag.
Then the girl would have to pick one pebble from the bag.
1) If she picked the black pebble, she would become his wife and her father's debt would be forgiven.
2) If she picked the white pebble she need not marry him and her father's debt would still be forgiven.
3) But if she refused to pick a pebble, her father would be thrown into jail.
They were standing on a pebble strewn path in the farmer's field.
As they talked, the moneylender bent over to pick up two pebbles.
As he picked them up, the sharp-eyed girl noticed that he had picked up two black pebbles and put them into the bag. He then asked the girl to pick a pebble from the bag.
Now, imagine that you were standing in the field.
What would you have done if you were the girl?
If you had to advise her, what would you have told her?
Careful analysis would produce three possibilities:
1. The girl should refuse to take a pebble.
2. The girl should show that there were two black pebbles in the bag and expose the money-lender as a cheat.
3. The girl should pick a black pebble and sacrifice herself in order to save her father from his debt and imprisonment.
Take a moment to ponder over the story. The above story is used with the hope that it will make us appreciate the difference between lateral and logical thinking. The girl's dilemma cannot be solved with traditional logical thinking. Think of the consequences if she chooses the above logical answers.
What would you recommend to the Girl to do?
Well, here is what she did .... The girl put her hand into the moneybag and drew out a pebble. Without looking at it, she fumbled and let it fall onto the pebble-strewn path where it immediately became lost among all the other pebbles. "Oh, how clumsy of me," she said.
"But never mind, if you look into the bag for the one that is left, you will be able to tell which pebble I picked."
Since the remaining pebble is black, it must be assumed that she had picked the white one. And since the money-lender dared not admit his dishonesty, the girl changed what seemed an impossible situation into an extremely advantageous one.
MORAL OF THE STORY:
Most complex problems do have a solution. It is only that we don't attempt to think.
pemalas kan kita ni semua??
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Many years ago in a small Indian village, a farmer had the misfortune of owing a large sum of money to a village moneylender. The moneylender, who was old and ugly, fancied the farmer's beautiful daughter. So he proposed a bargain. He said he would forgo the farmer's debt if he could marry his daughter. Both the farmer and his daughter were horrified by the proposal. So the cunning money-lender suggested that they let providence decide the matter.
He told them that he would put a black pebble and a white pebble into an empty money bag.
Then the girl would have to pick one pebble from the bag.
1) If she picked the black pebble, she would become his wife and her father's debt would be forgiven.
2) If she picked the white pebble she need not marry him and her father's debt would still be forgiven.
3) But if she refused to pick a pebble, her father would be thrown into jail.
They were standing on a pebble strewn path in the farmer's field.
As they talked, the moneylender bent over to pick up two pebbles.
As he picked them up, the sharp-eyed girl noticed that he had picked up two black pebbles and put them into the bag. He then asked the girl to pick a pebble from the bag.
Now, imagine that you were standing in the field.
What would you have done if you were the girl?
If you had to advise her, what would you have told her?
Careful analysis would produce three possibilities:
1. The girl should refuse to take a pebble.
2. The girl should show that there were two black pebbles in the bag and expose the money-lender as a cheat.
3. The girl should pick a black pebble and sacrifice herself in order to save her father from his debt and imprisonment.
Take a moment to ponder over the story. The above story is used with the hope that it will make us appreciate the difference between lateral and logical thinking. The girl's dilemma cannot be solved with traditional logical thinking. Think of the consequences if she chooses the above logical answers.
What would you recommend to the Girl to do?
Well, here is what she did .... The girl put her hand into the moneybag and drew out a pebble. Without looking at it, she fumbled and let it fall onto the pebble-strewn path where it immediately became lost among all the other pebbles. "Oh, how clumsy of me," she said.
"But never mind, if you look into the bag for the one that is left, you will be able to tell which pebble I picked."
Since the remaining pebble is black, it must be assumed that she had picked the white one. And since the money-lender dared not admit his dishonesty, the girl changed what seemed an impossible situation into an extremely advantageous one.
MORAL OF THE STORY:
Most complex problems do have a solution. It is only that we don't attempt to think.
pemalas kan kita ni semua??
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the thinker
Tuesday, November 02, 2004
sad
i wanted to update earlier.. wanted to tell the world about my weekend.. i had a wonderful one.. a wonderful long one..
but... suddenly.. along the way... i got sad.
and no, melor, im not always sad nowadays. i just get sad easily. pms?
im sad... and i have no idea why... coz i've been thinking and thinking.. and i believe i shouldn't be sad.. no one to blame, but the situation. but we can't blame the situation, so we only have ourselves to blame. i think too much. i make mountains out of ant-hills. absorb that fact yanz.. ur paranoid.
didnt have a fight with modds... i'm having problems with me, myself n i. it's all between my brains, my thoughts, my mind and my heart.
no use sharing sadness with all.
i don't get me. do you??
maybe i'll edit this when i feel better later.
maybe.
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but... suddenly.. along the way... i got sad.
and no, melor, im not always sad nowadays. i just get sad easily. pms?
im sad... and i have no idea why... coz i've been thinking and thinking.. and i believe i shouldn't be sad.. no one to blame, but the situation. but we can't blame the situation, so we only have ourselves to blame. i think too much. i make mountains out of ant-hills. absorb that fact yanz.. ur paranoid.
didnt have a fight with modds... i'm having problems with me, myself n i. it's all between my brains, my thoughts, my mind and my heart.
no use sharing sadness with all.
i don't get me. do you??
maybe i'll edit this when i feel better later.
maybe.
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