Wednesday, September 29, 2004
pujangga melayu
Today, aku nak tulis sukati mak bapak aku nak tulis camne. aku malas nak pikir dah. meh kita tengok bila biar jari aku tulis, dia jadi apa. aku jugak nak try tulis melayu. (ter-inspired from modar's and Shsuya's blog). selama ni aku tulis omputeh, just for the simple fact yg aku rasa aku lebih senang meng-expresskan diri aku guna english. bukan aku nak berlagak tau. aku sedar aku ni org melayu. kulit itam gak. takde mix mana2 omputeh. jejak negeri omputeh pon tak penah. ye laa.. jakun laa katakan. habis jauh luar negara aku pergi spore jek. aku cuma rajin tengok movie n baca buku jek masa kecik2 dulu. aku suka bahasa omputeh ni.. best kalau kita betul2 mendalaminya. byk words depa yg takleh translate dlm bahasa melayu. so.. meh try menulis dlm bahasa pujangga. sori laa kalau tercampur gak, im trying my best here. halamak... lom apa2 dah byk dah....
hari ni, aku buat bende yg aku tak pernah buat. masa lunch tadi, aku makan kat canteen. eh bukan tu laa yg aku tak penah buat. aku slalu gak makan kat canteen. aku amek lauk, tahu lembik. haaaa.. itu yg aku tak penah buat. aku tak suka makan tahu. entah kenapa aku amek jugak. mungkin sebab aku teringat modar selalu pesan kat aku untuk makan sayur. aku try nak makan, sesuap, dua kali suap, pastu aku tanak dah. langsung tak sedap. in the end, aku makan nasi 4 suap. takde mood nak makan. ye laa, aku amek lauk tahu lembik ngan telor goreng je. apasal aku makan camtu? entah laa aku pon tak tahu. nasib baik petang tadi, pukul 3 lebih, colleague (colleague cakap melayu apa? rakan sekerja ke?? panjang sangat tu....) aku balik, bawak goreng pisang n kopok lekor. best gilerr aku membelasah makan banyak2. sikit lagi gemok laa aku nih. sedap siot goreng pisang tu!! menurut kata mereka, goreng pisang tu plg sedap kat shah alam n jugak kat malaysia. tapi memang sah sedap. punya laa established, siap paper bag dia ada print, Azmi Goreng Pisang. eh? ke Azmi Pisang Goreng?? cikgu aku encik aziz dulu kata, kesilapan frasa nama, ke hapa tah. alaaa... sama cam cili sos n sos cili. kesian dia.. penat ajar org2 cam aku. soh buat karangan, aku ilangkan buku. pastu asek cakap takde duit nak bli baru. give up dia nak ajar aku tau.. bm asek2 dapat 5, 6. klasmet cina india aku semua lagi terer. tetiba spm aku dapat 1. cikgu aku pon tak caya!! letih aku convince dia aku betul2 dpt 1.. entah apa aku goreng dlm paper tu tah.. gaknya pemeriksa tu suka nama aku kot. eh apa laaa aku ngarot ni.
hmmm ari ni, aku nak pegi tukar tayar kete aku. siannn dia dah setahun aku tak tukar tayar dia. ini.. bak kata org.. "untuk keselamatan diri!!!" haritu cina apek pomen aku kata, tayar blakang aku dah botak sgt, "bunga semua sulah habit looo, manyak bahaya" aku nak jek jawab, "metut! manyak metut!!" tapi takut lak kene lempang ngan spanar. besar bleh tahan pomen aku tuh. so.. aku nak pi tukar tayar pasni... nak tukar tayar, nak tukar tayar. itu pun aku bli second hand drp member opis aku. punya laa kedekut kan?? dah tu, mamat tu kata, dia ada 4 biji tayar satria tatau nak buat apa.. pakai baru 2/3 bulan pastu dia tukar rim besar. aku ni.. nak harap tukar rim kang.. tak kawen lak.. so.. aku bli laa tayar dia... murah sket ye dak?? rezeki jgn ditolak.. maut jgn dicari.. eh?? maut ke musuh aa?? sumpah aku lupa... isk isk isk...
dah dah cukup laa mengarot buat hari ini. terima kasih banyak2, kerana sudi membaca hasil nukilan dan luahan hati kama beta. sehingga berjumpa di lain rancangan, wassalam..
p/s: aku nak post gambar budak ni sebenarnya. aku amek masa games itu ari. i wish i could be like her. sitting by the sideline, watching adults do their thing. watching the world go zooming by, everyone rushing about everywhere, and she's just the spectator. alangkah nyamannya hidupnya. tak payah susah2 macam aku ni haaa. mesti dlm ati dia tgh gelakkan kite semua kan?? "apahal laaa pakcik makcik akak abg ni semua kecoh2?? rilekss laa brader!!!!!" halamak sorry laa terkeluar bahasa rempit lak. maklumlaa.. gua kan ex minah rempit!!
bai2.. saya nak balik!!!
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hari ni, aku buat bende yg aku tak pernah buat. masa lunch tadi, aku makan kat canteen. eh bukan tu laa yg aku tak penah buat. aku slalu gak makan kat canteen. aku amek lauk, tahu lembik. haaaa.. itu yg aku tak penah buat. aku tak suka makan tahu. entah kenapa aku amek jugak. mungkin sebab aku teringat modar selalu pesan kat aku untuk makan sayur. aku try nak makan, sesuap, dua kali suap, pastu aku tanak dah. langsung tak sedap. in the end, aku makan nasi 4 suap. takde mood nak makan. ye laa, aku amek lauk tahu lembik ngan telor goreng je. apasal aku makan camtu? entah laa aku pon tak tahu. nasib baik petang tadi, pukul 3 lebih, colleague (colleague cakap melayu apa? rakan sekerja ke?? panjang sangat tu....) aku balik, bawak goreng pisang n kopok lekor. best gilerr aku membelasah makan banyak2. sikit lagi gemok laa aku nih. sedap siot goreng pisang tu!! menurut kata mereka, goreng pisang tu plg sedap kat shah alam n jugak kat malaysia. tapi memang sah sedap. punya laa established, siap paper bag dia ada print, Azmi Goreng Pisang. eh? ke Azmi Pisang Goreng?? cikgu aku encik aziz dulu kata, kesilapan frasa nama, ke hapa tah. alaaa... sama cam cili sos n sos cili. kesian dia.. penat ajar org2 cam aku. soh buat karangan, aku ilangkan buku. pastu asek cakap takde duit nak bli baru. give up dia nak ajar aku tau.. bm asek2 dapat 5, 6. klasmet cina india aku semua lagi terer. tetiba spm aku dapat 1. cikgu aku pon tak caya!! letih aku convince dia aku betul2 dpt 1.. entah apa aku goreng dlm paper tu tah.. gaknya pemeriksa tu suka nama aku kot. eh apa laaa aku ngarot ni.
hmmm ari ni, aku nak pegi tukar tayar kete aku. siannn dia dah setahun aku tak tukar tayar dia. ini.. bak kata org.. "untuk keselamatan diri!!!" haritu cina apek pomen aku kata, tayar blakang aku dah botak sgt, "bunga semua sulah habit looo, manyak bahaya" aku nak jek jawab, "metut! manyak metut!!" tapi takut lak kene lempang ngan spanar. besar bleh tahan pomen aku tuh. so.. aku nak pi tukar tayar pasni... nak tukar tayar, nak tukar tayar. itu pun aku bli second hand drp member opis aku. punya laa kedekut kan?? dah tu, mamat tu kata, dia ada 4 biji tayar satria tatau nak buat apa.. pakai baru 2/3 bulan pastu dia tukar rim besar. aku ni.. nak harap tukar rim kang.. tak kawen lak.. so.. aku bli laa tayar dia... murah sket ye dak?? rezeki jgn ditolak.. maut jgn dicari.. eh?? maut ke musuh aa?? sumpah aku lupa... isk isk isk...
dah dah cukup laa mengarot buat hari ini. terima kasih banyak2, kerana sudi membaca hasil nukilan dan luahan hati kama beta. sehingga berjumpa di lain rancangan, wassalam..
p/s: aku nak post gambar budak ni sebenarnya. aku amek masa games itu ari. i wish i could be like her. sitting by the sideline, watching adults do their thing. watching the world go zooming by, everyone rushing about everywhere, and she's just the spectator. alangkah nyamannya hidupnya. tak payah susah2 macam aku ni haaa. mesti dlm ati dia tgh gelakkan kite semua kan?? "apahal laaa pakcik makcik akak abg ni semua kecoh2?? rilekss laa brader!!!!!" halamak sorry laa terkeluar bahasa rempit lak. maklumlaa.. gua kan ex minah rempit!!
bai2.. saya nak balik!!!
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Tuesday, September 28, 2004
freewill
what is freewill?? what is freedom?? we always hear those, freedom of speech, freedom of thoughts, freedom of whatever. definition of freewill from Dictionary.com: Done of one's own accord; voluntary. Really??? Where are we actually able to practise these? mana2 pergi, apa2 buat pun, kene jaga hati orang.
where did all this spawn from?? well, i'm sure u guys read.. the comments from mr. 'anonymous'. actually, i didn't mean to pick a fight, or get angry even. i never fight with anyone. well, not with friends anyway. i don't like fighting. there's no valid reason to. not without a dumb cause anyway. critisicm. that's what got me mad in the first place. i am egoisitic, no doubt about it. i am VERY egoistic. i write whatever i want, whenever i want, same as i say what i wanna say. well, maybe that was me a few years ago. i sure hell was a gangster back then.
tengok tu. tak ke gangster?? yes, that was me, when i was 15. come to think of it, that wasn't too long ago. alamak, 9 years is quite a long time. back then, i never bothered about what others say. i didn't care what anyone else think, what they said, or whatever. anything goes. i didn't give a f*ck. yes, i made many girls cry, with my 'tak-kaver-langsung' laser mouth. but then again, no one took it to heart. coz i was bloody honest. i will never say something which is untrue. i lived by a simple motto. "don't get in my way, and i won't get in yours." that simple. i believed i became this tomboy-ish gangster for a certain reason. i needed to take care of myself. and my 'lil sister. i needed to show the world that they couldn't mess with me. so i put up a strong front, and didn't care about the rest of the world. but.. i noticed a difference too. within myself. as i grow older, i became more ladylike. i learnt to become a girl. a true girl. i started dressing like a girl, i behaved like a girl and up to now, i think i made 80% transition. what about the other 20%?? well, most people can see, that the gangster is still in me. the way i talk. the way i think. the way i walk. and some other minor stuff. stuff i could't throw away, coz it has become a part of me. and i still needed that, as my ego part, to show that i can still take care of myself, come what may.
unfortunately, along with this lady's image, came the sensitivity of a woman too. i became more emotional. a whole lot more sensitive. i became aware, of the universe. what people think, what they say or might say, started to affect me. i, unconsciously, became conscious. and guess what, i hated this. things, or people i shouldn't be bothered about, are getting in my system. i'm affected by petty things. not to mention i'm now a scaredy-cat, an emotional wreck, and i cry watching sad movies!! how sappy!!! well.... at least it has shown me, that i'm not made of stone. all this while, in my teenage years, i was a statue, with a heart. i looked brave and bold, but i'm really crying inside. i was just too egoistic to admit or show my true feelings. tears, once upon a time, to me, was a sign of weakness. never show ur tears, for it will potray that u're weak. but now, i'm slowly learning to let go. i'm slowly learning, that ego, is not everything. people are not that cruel. not everyone around is waiting for u to fall down and take advantage of u. if u do learn to let go, someone out there will be willing to catch u.
maybe, just maybe, the world is not such a bad place after all.
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where did all this spawn from?? well, i'm sure u guys read.. the comments from mr. 'anonymous'. actually, i didn't mean to pick a fight, or get angry even. i never fight with anyone. well, not with friends anyway. i don't like fighting. there's no valid reason to. not without a dumb cause anyway. critisicm. that's what got me mad in the first place. i am egoisitic, no doubt about it. i am VERY egoistic. i write whatever i want, whenever i want, same as i say what i wanna say. well, maybe that was me a few years ago. i sure hell was a gangster back then.
tengok tu. tak ke gangster?? yes, that was me, when i was 15. come to think of it, that wasn't too long ago. alamak, 9 years is quite a long time. back then, i never bothered about what others say. i didn't care what anyone else think, what they said, or whatever. anything goes. i didn't give a f*ck. yes, i made many girls cry, with my 'tak-kaver-langsung' laser mouth. but then again, no one took it to heart. coz i was bloody honest. i will never say something which is untrue. i lived by a simple motto. "don't get in my way, and i won't get in yours." that simple. i believed i became this tomboy-ish gangster for a certain reason. i needed to take care of myself. and my 'lil sister. i needed to show the world that they couldn't mess with me. so i put up a strong front, and didn't care about the rest of the world. but.. i noticed a difference too. within myself. as i grow older, i became more ladylike. i learnt to become a girl. a true girl. i started dressing like a girl, i behaved like a girl and up to now, i think i made 80% transition. what about the other 20%?? well, most people can see, that the gangster is still in me. the way i talk. the way i think. the way i walk. and some other minor stuff. stuff i could't throw away, coz it has become a part of me. and i still needed that, as my ego part, to show that i can still take care of myself, come what may.
unfortunately, along with this lady's image, came the sensitivity of a woman too. i became more emotional. a whole lot more sensitive. i became aware, of the universe. what people think, what they say or might say, started to affect me. i, unconsciously, became conscious. and guess what, i hated this. things, or people i shouldn't be bothered about, are getting in my system. i'm affected by petty things. not to mention i'm now a scaredy-cat, an emotional wreck, and i cry watching sad movies!! how sappy!!! well.... at least it has shown me, that i'm not made of stone. all this while, in my teenage years, i was a statue, with a heart. i looked brave and bold, but i'm really crying inside. i was just too egoistic to admit or show my true feelings. tears, once upon a time, to me, was a sign of weakness. never show ur tears, for it will potray that u're weak. but now, i'm slowly learning to let go. i'm slowly learning, that ego, is not everything. people are not that cruel. not everyone around is waiting for u to fall down and take advantage of u. if u do learn to let go, someone out there will be willing to catch u.
maybe, just maybe, the world is not such a bad place after all.
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Saturday, September 25, 2004
Monochrome
I noticed lately, that I've not been writing a lot.. I've been posting yeahhh, but then again.. not much about me or my life as the title of the blog suggests.. don't ask me why.. I don't really have an answer. Things has been up and down.. not much of the downs has got anything with modDs if that's what u guys think. It's all been me. ME ME ME ME. Problems created for me by me. PMS?? Maybe. I'm trying not to blame it on that though, it's getting lame. But I've been rather emotional lately, and I'm sure modDs would agree. Been thinking a lot, and I hate that!!! World, I have an announcement to make. I HATE THINKING!!!! It drives me mad... thinking of stuff I don't have to and I sure hell don't want to. I'm living in monochrome these days. Picking fights, growing horns on my head. I've been despicable. Maybe I should be left alone, to rant and rave in my own little 10x10 feet box.
The thing that bother me most lately, is FAMILY. Or what's left of it in my case. I was a coward back then, before I came here. I was a macho coward. Brave on the outside, but jello inside. I ran away. I got too tired to face them, and I took off to build my own little happy life. Am I happy now? Not fit yet to say. Human beings are never contented. Many tears I've shed, and I intend to stop. But the distance still can affect u. Damn those technologies that enable u to communicate no matter where u r. I've been thinking again. Why should this still affect me? I'm grown up now. I make my own money. I live on my own, far far away from them. Why do I still have that little guilty person inside me, making my stomach churn a little everytime this comes to mind? The answer is as clear as day. I am only human.
Sadly, I am starting to feel the difference between modDs family and mine. This stuff actually should be private. But well, my blog is the place for me to let go of my thoughts now isn't it?? The difference; in ways of living, and stuff are starting to take hold of me. I noticed this long ago, just something I've been trying to push as far away as possible before. I've been shaking the thought off everytime it even attempts to land in my head. I've been thinking, "naaa we can make it work.. the difference is only skin-deep." Don't get me wrong, we ARE working things out. I'm just stating that I'm starting to FEEL it. The constraints. Financially. Emotionally. What they can do. What we can't do. I'm left alone in this. I have to do stuff on my own. He has their support and help all the way. I'm envious.
Had a fight with my mom over the phone. Sadly, I'm one of those rare species. Girls who aren't close with their moms. We had differences in ways of thinking since like, forever. She never gets me. Well, not to blame her, neither did I get her. She doesn't understand, or never wants to understands. And again I wanna emphasize, so as not to potray her as the bad guy, I don't understand her either. We're having fights about... a certain ceremony. I have to be careful here, I don't want uninvolved parties to feel they are the cause of this. She told me to do this and that, and tells me not to do this and that. Which is hard to comply. U can never please everybody now can u?? I'm trying my level best too. Well, she can only tell me what to do, not as if she'll be helping in much sense. Not in the financial department anyways. She'll only be there. And I never did ask for more. I never wanted to bother and trouble them all anyway. AND she never gets my level best. She never gets whenever I say I'm trying my best. Scolds me whenever I said I'm broke. Does she think we grow money trees here? And I'm eating and drinking out of dollar plates and syilling cups?? She kept saying that she used to work too. She lived on her own too. Yeahh under the parents' roof. and can somebody tell her PLEASE that it's a whole lot different in the new millenium than it was in the 60s n 70s??? She thinks I'm shopping like I have my own mint and publish my own money whenever I sense the lack of it. She doesn't get that cars, need to be fed too. Roofs over ur head in a foreign land, are expensive. She thinks I get a whole lot to spend monthly. *sigh*. I'm tired of arguing. No use explaining things she doesn't want to listen to now right?
I'm envious of them.
In our family portrait we look pretty happy
We look pretty normal, let's go back to that
In our family portrait we look pretty happy
Let's play pretend, act like it goes naturally
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The thing that bother me most lately, is FAMILY. Or what's left of it in my case. I was a coward back then, before I came here. I was a macho coward. Brave on the outside, but jello inside. I ran away. I got too tired to face them, and I took off to build my own little happy life. Am I happy now? Not fit yet to say. Human beings are never contented. Many tears I've shed, and I intend to stop. But the distance still can affect u. Damn those technologies that enable u to communicate no matter where u r. I've been thinking again. Why should this still affect me? I'm grown up now. I make my own money. I live on my own, far far away from them. Why do I still have that little guilty person inside me, making my stomach churn a little everytime this comes to mind? The answer is as clear as day. I am only human.
Sadly, I am starting to feel the difference between modDs family and mine. This stuff actually should be private. But well, my blog is the place for me to let go of my thoughts now isn't it?? The difference; in ways of living, and stuff are starting to take hold of me. I noticed this long ago, just something I've been trying to push as far away as possible before. I've been shaking the thought off everytime it even attempts to land in my head. I've been thinking, "naaa we can make it work.. the difference is only skin-deep." Don't get me wrong, we ARE working things out. I'm just stating that I'm starting to FEEL it. The constraints. Financially. Emotionally. What they can do. What we can't do. I'm left alone in this. I have to do stuff on my own. He has their support and help all the way. I'm envious.
Had a fight with my mom over the phone. Sadly, I'm one of those rare species. Girls who aren't close with their moms. We had differences in ways of thinking since like, forever. She never gets me. Well, not to blame her, neither did I get her. She doesn't understand, or never wants to understands. And again I wanna emphasize, so as not to potray her as the bad guy, I don't understand her either. We're having fights about... a certain ceremony. I have to be careful here, I don't want uninvolved parties to feel they are the cause of this. She told me to do this and that, and tells me not to do this and that. Which is hard to comply. U can never please everybody now can u?? I'm trying my level best too. Well, she can only tell me what to do, not as if she'll be helping in much sense. Not in the financial department anyways. She'll only be there. And I never did ask for more. I never wanted to bother and trouble them all anyway. AND she never gets my level best. She never gets whenever I say I'm trying my best. Scolds me whenever I said I'm broke. Does she think we grow money trees here? And I'm eating and drinking out of dollar plates and syilling cups?? She kept saying that she used to work too. She lived on her own too. Yeahh under the parents' roof. and can somebody tell her PLEASE that it's a whole lot different in the new millenium than it was in the 60s n 70s??? She thinks I'm shopping like I have my own mint and publish my own money whenever I sense the lack of it. She doesn't get that cars, need to be fed too. Roofs over ur head in a foreign land, are expensive. She thinks I get a whole lot to spend monthly. *sigh*. I'm tired of arguing. No use explaining things she doesn't want to listen to now right?
I'm envious of them.
In our family portrait we look pretty happy
We look pretty normal, let's go back to that
In our family portrait we look pretty happy
Let's play pretend, act like it goes naturally
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Thursday, September 23, 2004
food for thought
Years ago, I asked God to give me a spouse. "You don't have one because you didn't ask", God said.
Not only did I ask for a spouse but I also explained what kind of spouse I wanted. I wanted a nice, tender, forgiving, passionate, honest, peaceful, generous, understanding, pleasant, warm, intelligent, humorous, attentive, compassionate and truthful spouse. I even mentioned the physical characteristics I dreamt about. As time went by, I added to the list or requirements of my wanted spouse.
One night, in my prayer, God talked to my heart: "My servant, I cannot give you what you want."
I asked, "Why God?"
God said, "Because I am God and I am fair. God is the truth and all I do is true and right."
I asked, "God, I don't understand why I cannot have what I asked from you?"
God answered, "I will explain. It is not fair and right for Me to fulfill your demand because I cannot give something that is not your ownself. It is not fair to give someone who is full of love to you if sometimes you are still hostile, or to give you someone generous but sometimes you can be cruel; or someone forgiving, however, you still hide revenge; someone sensitive, however, you are very insensitive..."
He then said to me: "It is better for Me to give you someone whom I know could grow to have all the qualities you are searching rather than to make you waste your time finding someone who already has the qualities you want. Your spouse would be bone from your bone and flesh from your flesh and you will see yourself in him/her and both of you will be one.
Marriage is like a school. It is a life-long span education. It is where you and your partner make adjustments and aim not merely to please each other, but to be better human beings and to be a solid team. I do not give you a perfect partner, because you are not perfect either. I give you a partner with whom you would grow together."
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Not only did I ask for a spouse but I also explained what kind of spouse I wanted. I wanted a nice, tender, forgiving, passionate, honest, peaceful, generous, understanding, pleasant, warm, intelligent, humorous, attentive, compassionate and truthful spouse. I even mentioned the physical characteristics I dreamt about. As time went by, I added to the list or requirements of my wanted spouse.
One night, in my prayer, God talked to my heart: "My servant, I cannot give you what you want."
I asked, "Why God?"
God said, "Because I am God and I am fair. God is the truth and all I do is true and right."
I asked, "God, I don't understand why I cannot have what I asked from you?"
God answered, "I will explain. It is not fair and right for Me to fulfill your demand because I cannot give something that is not your ownself. It is not fair to give someone who is full of love to you if sometimes you are still hostile, or to give you someone generous but sometimes you can be cruel; or someone forgiving, however, you still hide revenge; someone sensitive, however, you are very insensitive..."
He then said to me: "It is better for Me to give you someone whom I know could grow to have all the qualities you are searching rather than to make you waste your time finding someone who already has the qualities you want. Your spouse would be bone from your bone and flesh from your flesh and you will see yourself in him/her and both of you will be one.
Marriage is like a school. It is a life-long span education. It is where you and your partner make adjustments and aim not merely to please each other, but to be better human beings and to be a solid team. I do not give you a perfect partner, because you are not perfect either. I give you a partner with whom you would grow together."
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Monday, September 20, 2004
LOVE
Saturday, I had to go for a games meet, and I played netball for my company. I had the camera with me, and I had a blast again as usual!! I took lotsa pics, and amongst it all, I noticed that I could create a theme.
Love is all around,
If you look hard enough.
If you're not too ignorant to notice.
If you choose to feel.
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Love is all around,
If you look hard enough.
If you're not too ignorant to notice.
If you choose to feel.
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Thursday, September 16, 2004
Baby turns 25!!!!!
Go shorty, It's your Birthday,
We gona party like it's your birthday,
We gonna sip Bacardi like it's your birthday!!!!!
This one's fully for the ONE.. coz it's his big day today!!! My future husband's birthday.. and as he reminded me last night, it will most probably be his last birthday as a bachelor... poor baby.. but he ain't complaining! What did I do for his birthday?? Well, as mentioned in my profile, I am FOREVER broke, so I couldn't throw him a party.. sorry baby! But I did turn up outside his gate at 12 midnight sharp last night, and sang him the birthday song, with a single red rose though his sister asked me what the hell was he supposed to do with it, a slice of cake and a candle, and his pressie. What's the pressie? Well... ask him. Do NOT think of anything erotic or kinky pls.
So here's to you Baby. I wanted to make this birthday of yours a memorable one, the first birthday we're celebrating together. I LOVE YOU with all my heart, my soul, my body, my ALL. And I anxiously anticipate the rest of our lives together...
For all those times you stood by me
For all the truth that you made me see
For all the joy you brought to my life
For all the wrongs that you made right
For every dream you made come true
For all the love I found in you
I'll be forever thankful baby
You're the one who held me up
Never let me fall
You're the one who saw me through, through it all
I'm everything I am, BECAUSE YOU LOVED ME.....
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We gona party like it's your birthday,
We gonna sip Bacardi like it's your birthday!!!!!
This one's fully for the ONE.. coz it's his big day today!!! My future husband's birthday.. and as he reminded me last night, it will most probably be his last birthday as a bachelor... poor baby.. but he ain't complaining! What did I do for his birthday?? Well, as mentioned in my profile, I am FOREVER broke, so I couldn't throw him a party.. sorry baby! But I did turn up outside his gate at 12 midnight sharp last night, and sang him the birthday song, with a single red rose though his sister asked me what the hell was he supposed to do with it, a slice of cake and a candle, and his pressie. What's the pressie? Well... ask him. Do NOT think of anything erotic or kinky pls.
So here's to you Baby. I wanted to make this birthday of yours a memorable one, the first birthday we're celebrating together. I LOVE YOU with all my heart, my soul, my body, my ALL. And I anxiously anticipate the rest of our lives together...
For all those times you stood by me
For all the truth that you made me see
For all the joy you brought to my life
For all the wrongs that you made right
For every dream you made come true
For all the love I found in you
I'll be forever thankful baby
You're the one who held me up
Never let me fall
You're the one who saw me through, through it all
I'm everything I am, BECAUSE YOU LOVED ME.....
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Tuesday, September 14, 2004
meet the parents
Well, ok. It's not exactly meeting the parents. Should have been 'the parents meet'. I wanted to post this yesterday, but the server was down till just now goddemmit streamyx wat hal. Saturday, Papa n Mummy met Abah n Mak for the first time. Abah cooked, as usual, his hobby. Baby didn't eat as much as he always does.. penat gaknya, or takut?? hehehe.
Families unite
It was supposed to be an informal meeting, or so I thought. So I was just wearing jeans and a blouse, and modDs was in a t-shirt too. Papa n Mummy said initially they wanted to meet-up for a 'kenal-mengenal' session. But suddenly talks got serious, and out of the blue Mummy whipped out some gifts, a beautiful cake, modDs buat lawak ngan Kakak that it should be displayed in a glass display and not eaten, and A RING!!!!!! I almost fainted! And then, as the pic in modDs' blog shows, Mummy put the ring on my finger, as a sign that I am now officially 'booked' for marriage with her son. But what the pic failed to portray was that I was trembling and sweating profusely as I put out my hand to her. Hahaha! I was definitely surely confirmly(no such word) shocked out of words at the appearance of the ring. I was a nervous wreck!! Unfortunately, the ring could only fit my left 'jari manis'. Supposed to be right hand kan?
But all in all, it was a good meeting. At least we kept it informal, at the absence of formal clothing, and no pantuns whatsoever, not to mention me and modDs were sitting with our parents when they were discussing hehehe (kan patut I should be hiding in the room or the kitchen and modDs wasn't even supposed to be there). Looks like we've got no choice but to have a small 'majlis bertunang' later on, as Mummy really wanted to bring us the 'tepak sirih' hahaha! We tried to protest, but Mummy wouldn't hear any of it. Like she said, "kalau ikutkan budak2 ni semua diorang tanak". how true. We just looked at each other, rolled our eyes and shook our heads. This is getting to be a lot more complicated than we had initially hoped.
Sunday we had lunch together again. Papa n Mummy wanted to have some Laksa Johor, and Abah insisted that home-cooked ones (his cooking laa precisely) are better than any laksa found in restaurants. So he whipped up the laksa. That evening, we left for KL together, tired after the whole deal.
How do I feel now? I'm still nervous. Happy?? Thrilled, to be exact. I am now calling myself the ring-bearer. Not qualified yet to say I'm modDs fiancee, but I'm sorta wearing his ring. Or is it Mummy's ring? Oh, and I haven't taken it off since Saturday. Except to bathe and, well, to do business. And here it is...
One Ring to rule them all, One Ring to find them,
One Ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them. Hehehe
Edit:Fotopages updated!
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Families unite
It was supposed to be an informal meeting, or so I thought. So I was just wearing jeans and a blouse, and modDs was in a t-shirt too. Papa n Mummy said initially they wanted to meet-up for a 'kenal-mengenal' session. But suddenly talks got serious, and out of the blue Mummy whipped out some gifts, a beautiful cake, modDs buat lawak ngan Kakak that it should be displayed in a glass display and not eaten, and A RING!!!!!! I almost fainted! And then, as the pic in modDs' blog shows, Mummy put the ring on my finger, as a sign that I am now officially 'booked' for marriage with her son. But what the pic failed to portray was that I was trembling and sweating profusely as I put out my hand to her. Hahaha! I was definitely surely confirmly(no such word) shocked out of words at the appearance of the ring. I was a nervous wreck!! Unfortunately, the ring could only fit my left 'jari manis'. Supposed to be right hand kan?
But all in all, it was a good meeting. At least we kept it informal, at the absence of formal clothing, and no pantuns whatsoever, not to mention me and modDs were sitting with our parents when they were discussing hehehe (kan patut I should be hiding in the room or the kitchen and modDs wasn't even supposed to be there). Looks like we've got no choice but to have a small 'majlis bertunang' later on, as Mummy really wanted to bring us the 'tepak sirih' hahaha! We tried to protest, but Mummy wouldn't hear any of it. Like she said, "kalau ikutkan budak2 ni semua diorang tanak". how true. We just looked at each other, rolled our eyes and shook our heads. This is getting to be a lot more complicated than we had initially hoped.
Sunday we had lunch together again. Papa n Mummy wanted to have some Laksa Johor, and Abah insisted that home-cooked ones (his cooking laa precisely) are better than any laksa found in restaurants. So he whipped up the laksa. That evening, we left for KL together, tired after the whole deal.
How do I feel now? I'm still nervous. Happy?? Thrilled, to be exact. I am now calling myself the ring-bearer. Not qualified yet to say I'm modDs fiancee, but I'm sorta wearing his ring. Or is it Mummy's ring? Oh, and I haven't taken it off since Saturday. Except to bathe and, well, to do business. And here it is...
One Ring to rule them all, One Ring to find them,
One Ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them. Hehehe
Edit:Fotopages updated!
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Thursday, September 09, 2004
and away she goes...
hello. mr modar here. just wanna announce that beautiful, sexy and intelligent YanZ won't be reading her blog till monday. she's busy with a function at PWTC, and she'll be away for the weekend. any messages, please throw them in the bin. sekian, chow.
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Tuesday, September 07, 2004
YanZ and ZeN's night out
YanZ and ZeN are virtual friends.
They met thru blogging, and they communicated thru messenger.
Last night, YanZ met ZeN.
ZeN came to KL from S'pore.
YanZ worked in KL from JB.
YanZ had to leave modDs at home, (poor baby) but YanZ managed to kidnap his camera hehehe.
Though YanZ didn't really know how to use them at night.
YanZ was feeling rather girlish (maybe coz she's meeting a girl?) so she put on her skirt n sandals instead of the usual jeans and sneakers.
Still couldn't lose the t-shirt though.
YanZ took ZeN to KLCC.
YanZ wanted to take ZeN out for dinner and for piccies hunting.
ZeN treated YanZ at Dome.
Isn't YanZ the one already working???
Then they went around KLCC piccies hunting.
Here are some of their adventures.
p/s: ZeN didn't want her face posted, so YanZ will respect her wishes and keep her face secluded. Though they might end up on one of her photo hosts soon hehehe.
Clockwise from top: ZeN, YanZ, our food, and our feet. YanZ pakai sandal ala2 Troy as modDs call it.
I love this pic, the sidewalk, bukan lawa sangat pun haha!
KLCC, and a rather failed attempt to capture pics of fountain hehehe.
1. The Petronas building foyer
2. Ko amek gambar apa ZeN?
3. Aku amek gambar ko, ko amek gambar aku. Background bunga k?
4. ZeN memikirkan masa depan, or atas?
5. Jom balik......
6. YanZ berangan sorg2 depan cermin in her oh-so-messy room.
At the end of the night, YanZ came home quite late, after 1 a.m., tired but very very happy. She opened up a bag that ZeN gave her earlier, and got the best surprise ever when she found these.
YanZ told ZeN once that her all-time fav author was Roald Dahl, and ZeN actually bought it and even got it wrapped for YanZ. And also YanZ recently complained about period cramps, and ZeN took the effort to get YanZ these supplements, and the 'bapak' botol at that. ZeN also got a whole lot of brochures, for modDs, so that he'll know where to ask YanZ to take him to the next time he's in S'pore. Isn't ZeN such a darling???
Here's to you ZeN, and to our many many more encounters and adventures in the future!!! Muahhhhh!
Note: The rest of the piccies will be uploaded in my Fotopages, soon. Not yet though. I'm pooped after all that effort to compile these pics. First time ever using photoshop. Hahaha! Kesian kan???
edit at 5.05 p.m.: Fotopage updated!!
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They met thru blogging, and they communicated thru messenger.
Last night, YanZ met ZeN.
ZeN came to KL from S'pore.
YanZ worked in KL from JB.
YanZ had to leave modDs at home, (poor baby) but YanZ managed to kidnap his camera hehehe.
Though YanZ didn't really know how to use them at night.
YanZ was feeling rather girlish (maybe coz she's meeting a girl?) so she put on her skirt n sandals instead of the usual jeans and sneakers.
Still couldn't lose the t-shirt though.
YanZ took ZeN to KLCC.
YanZ wanted to take ZeN out for dinner and for piccies hunting.
ZeN treated YanZ at Dome.
Isn't YanZ the one already working???
Then they went around KLCC piccies hunting.
Here are some of their adventures.
p/s: ZeN didn't want her face posted, so YanZ will respect her wishes and keep her face secluded. Though they might end up on one of her photo hosts soon hehehe.
Clockwise from top: ZeN, YanZ, our food, and our feet. YanZ pakai sandal ala2 Troy as modDs call it.
I love this pic, the sidewalk, bukan lawa sangat pun haha!
KLCC, and a rather failed attempt to capture pics of fountain hehehe.
1. The Petronas building foyer
2. Ko amek gambar apa ZeN?
3. Aku amek gambar ko, ko amek gambar aku. Background bunga k?
4. ZeN memikirkan masa depan, or atas?
5. Jom balik......
6. YanZ berangan sorg2 depan cermin in her oh-so-messy room.
At the end of the night, YanZ came home quite late, after 1 a.m., tired but very very happy. She opened up a bag that ZeN gave her earlier, and got the best surprise ever when she found these.
YanZ told ZeN once that her all-time fav author was Roald Dahl, and ZeN actually bought it and even got it wrapped for YanZ. And also YanZ recently complained about period cramps, and ZeN took the effort to get YanZ these supplements, and the 'bapak' botol at that. ZeN also got a whole lot of brochures, for modDs, so that he'll know where to ask YanZ to take him to the next time he's in S'pore. Isn't ZeN such a darling???
Here's to you ZeN, and to our many many more encounters and adventures in the future!!! Muahhhhh!
Note: The rest of the piccies will be uploaded in my Fotopages, soon. Not yet though. I'm pooped after all that effort to compile these pics. First time ever using photoshop. Hahaha! Kesian kan???
edit at 5.05 p.m.: Fotopage updated!!
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Saturday, September 04, 2004
Have you ever?
Have you ever experienced nights when... you are sleepy, and thus you go to bed but once u're there, you can't seem to be able to sleep.. and ur mind starts wandering...
I hate those nights. And I have plenty. My mind, or my brain, works in weird ways. Like say, I'd start looking at the curtains. I bought those from Giant. Then it'll go to the Giant in JB. What I bought there that time. To the girl I saw at the counter crying coz she'e fighting with the bf. Then the bf's clothes. Where I saw similar patterns. Who I saw them on. What I was doing that time. Where I was. What I was feeling. Why. Who I was with. What they're wearing. How they looked like. It's all chained. Weird huh? Look at the last thing I'd be thinking about. And the first thing that actually led my mind there. Then the point will come when I'd scream "STOP!!!!" to actually stop my mind from wandering some more. It gets pretty tiring. And it's never-ending.
And at the end of it all, I'll be thinking.. about my past, my present and my future. I'd be thinking about my current state.. I'd be thinking about the path I chose and the choices I made. Did I make the right choices?? Where would I be if I didn't take those paths?? Would my life be better? Or worse? What if I has stayed in JB? Where would I be now? Am I still doing the right thing? What has my choices led me to? Why am I still unsure? Why am I still 'terumbang-ambing'?? And where does it all lead to?? Will I still be like this, 5, 10 years down the road???
In the end, I'll be left depressed. Sad. Tired. I'll start to blame myself. Why this why that. All the what-ifs would start to go through. It'll alter my mood for the whole day. I'll be left depressed and sad, with no idea why, and no idea how to come out of that state.
Someone once told me a long long time ago, "self-assessment + self-realization = depression + apprehension + confusion". Or something like that. I believe he's right. If only I could stop myself from thinking. Believe me I tried.
How I wish I could take out my brain every night, so it won't wander and make me have sleepless nights.
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I hate those nights. And I have plenty. My mind, or my brain, works in weird ways. Like say, I'd start looking at the curtains. I bought those from Giant. Then it'll go to the Giant in JB. What I bought there that time. To the girl I saw at the counter crying coz she'e fighting with the bf. Then the bf's clothes. Where I saw similar patterns. Who I saw them on. What I was doing that time. Where I was. What I was feeling. Why. Who I was with. What they're wearing. How they looked like. It's all chained. Weird huh? Look at the last thing I'd be thinking about. And the first thing that actually led my mind there. Then the point will come when I'd scream "STOP!!!!" to actually stop my mind from wandering some more. It gets pretty tiring. And it's never-ending.
And at the end of it all, I'll be thinking.. about my past, my present and my future. I'd be thinking about my current state.. I'd be thinking about the path I chose and the choices I made. Did I make the right choices?? Where would I be if I didn't take those paths?? Would my life be better? Or worse? What if I has stayed in JB? Where would I be now? Am I still doing the right thing? What has my choices led me to? Why am I still unsure? Why am I still 'terumbang-ambing'?? And where does it all lead to?? Will I still be like this, 5, 10 years down the road???
In the end, I'll be left depressed. Sad. Tired. I'll start to blame myself. Why this why that. All the what-ifs would start to go through. It'll alter my mood for the whole day. I'll be left depressed and sad, with no idea why, and no idea how to come out of that state.
Someone once told me a long long time ago, "self-assessment + self-realization = depression + apprehension + confusion". Or something like that. I believe he's right. If only I could stop myself from thinking. Believe me I tried.
How I wish I could take out my brain every night, so it won't wander and make me have sleepless nights.
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Thursday, September 02, 2004
The Gods Must Be Crazy
We were watching that movie on merdeka day. Watching that movie somehow brought back nostalgic moments for me. Daddy loved that movie. When I was a wee kid, he used to put in on all the time, and we had it on tape(read: yes, tape) then. He loved the Xi guy, and the way he talked with the clicking sounds. Daddy would immitate him for days. And he loved the Caucasian guy (shite I forgot his name) too as he would always go, "Aiyayaiyayai." Sigh. Another one of me moments missing Daddy. Anyways, watching it now, made a whole lot of difference.
That movie was set in 1980 demmit that was the year I was born! Seeing how much the world has changed kinda freaked me out. That much change in like less than 25 years. The narrator had a big role to play. Back then when I watched it, didn't pay much attention to what he was saying but now, it mattered a whole lot more. He was relating on how people are thinking. Like just a mere 600 miles apart, 2 totally different sets of humans were living. On 1 side, the bushmen. They lived in a big family. They never cared about territory, belonging, no fighting, no quarelling. They never knew nor cared that there were other humans living nearby. They didn't nag or complain about the lack of water, no food or anything for that matter. All they had to do, was adapt to the lifestyle. They believed that EVERYTHING that God sent them is good, until the day He sent them a coke bottle that made everyone fight. So he set out on his mission to throw the bottle away at the end of the world so it wouldn't come back to haunt them. And in all that, they never blamed God. They just believed He was careless and made a mistake when He sent them the bottle.
In the city 600 miles away, people were rushing all about. They lived like robots. They had to adapt too, but they adapt many times in a day. There were fixed times for breakfast, fixed times for lunch, fixed time to wake up, and all. How true, don't u think?? We race and we rush, god knows what we're chasing after. Imagine how simple life could be if we didn't rush to catch the latest technology. And all we ever wanted was to lead simple lives. We invent complicated things to make life easier, but we end up complicating it a whole lot more. And we blame it all on God. We complain, hours on end that our lives are too difficult. And who actually made our lives so? Give this too much thought, and you'll go crazy.
I thought a lot more about the whole deal last night coz I couldn't sleep. And I was actually quite amazed and impressed. That simple movie, with no special effects oh yeah, the only effect it had was that a lot of scenes were fast-forwarded, making everything seemed like cartoon, actually has very very deep interpretation in it; if only one is not too gullible to notice it. How true, how true.
And now, I'm waiting to buy the sequel to this one. It is the one where his 2 kids were playing on a truck and somehow the truck moved away taking them together with it. How he would chase the tracks on foot, for days and days and days, just to get his kids back safely. And all the obstacles he had to go through. As a kid, I would cry my eyes out watching that one, not coz I understood much about fatherly love and stuff, but just coz I was thinking of how scared I would be if Daddy wasn't around for me. How innocent I was back then. And sometimes, I wish I still am that naive.
I am feeling mellow today. Too much thinking can only depress u people. Don't try to think more than u have to.
Oh, by the way, yesterday marked the 8th month of yanzmodds. And like he said, "8 months is enough for me to be sure that you're the 1 I wanna spend the rest of my life with..." Here's to you baby,
Within you I lose myself...
Without you I find myself
Wanting to be lost again....
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That movie was set in 1980 demmit that was the year I was born! Seeing how much the world has changed kinda freaked me out. That much change in like less than 25 years. The narrator had a big role to play. Back then when I watched it, didn't pay much attention to what he was saying but now, it mattered a whole lot more. He was relating on how people are thinking. Like just a mere 600 miles apart, 2 totally different sets of humans were living. On 1 side, the bushmen. They lived in a big family. They never cared about territory, belonging, no fighting, no quarelling. They never knew nor cared that there were other humans living nearby. They didn't nag or complain about the lack of water, no food or anything for that matter. All they had to do, was adapt to the lifestyle. They believed that EVERYTHING that God sent them is good, until the day He sent them a coke bottle that made everyone fight. So he set out on his mission to throw the bottle away at the end of the world so it wouldn't come back to haunt them. And in all that, they never blamed God. They just believed He was careless and made a mistake when He sent them the bottle.
In the city 600 miles away, people were rushing all about. They lived like robots. They had to adapt too, but they adapt many times in a day. There were fixed times for breakfast, fixed times for lunch, fixed time to wake up, and all. How true, don't u think?? We race and we rush, god knows what we're chasing after. Imagine how simple life could be if we didn't rush to catch the latest technology. And all we ever wanted was to lead simple lives. We invent complicated things to make life easier, but we end up complicating it a whole lot more. And we blame it all on God. We complain, hours on end that our lives are too difficult. And who actually made our lives so? Give this too much thought, and you'll go crazy.
I thought a lot more about the whole deal last night coz I couldn't sleep. And I was actually quite amazed and impressed. That simple movie, with no special effects oh yeah, the only effect it had was that a lot of scenes were fast-forwarded, making everything seemed like cartoon, actually has very very deep interpretation in it; if only one is not too gullible to notice it. How true, how true.
And now, I'm waiting to buy the sequel to this one. It is the one where his 2 kids were playing on a truck and somehow the truck moved away taking them together with it. How he would chase the tracks on foot, for days and days and days, just to get his kids back safely. And all the obstacles he had to go through. As a kid, I would cry my eyes out watching that one, not coz I understood much about fatherly love and stuff, but just coz I was thinking of how scared I would be if Daddy wasn't around for me. How innocent I was back then. And sometimes, I wish I still am that naive.
I am feeling mellow today. Too much thinking can only depress u people. Don't try to think more than u have to.
Oh, by the way, yesterday marked the 8th month of yanzmodds. And like he said, "8 months is enough for me to be sure that you're the 1 I wanna spend the rest of my life with..." Here's to you baby,
Within you I lose myself...
Without you I find myself
Wanting to be lost again....
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